The Forgotten Mind

Alan the Prophetic

2009-01-06T01:49:00.001-05:00

Well well, isn't this a surprise. Seems like I've taken a 14 month hiatus from my blog, only to return in 2009. As it may be difficult for me to discuss everything that has crossed my mind in the past 500+ days, I guess it would be best if I just start over as if I had never stopped...

Now you may be wondering why I am coming back to blogging, or why I stopped in the first place. Well, obviously having a girlfriend contributes a lot. Now instead of talking to myself I can talk to her. However, it is difficult for me to truly speak what is on my mind. I am much better (and more comfortable) writing about what is on my mind, and I know now that this will always be the case.

Also, since my girlfriend has been away for the past 2 weeks, I have a lot more free time on my hands (not meant in a derogatory way, of course). I just so happened to stumble upon my blog and read some of the old entries and it brought a nostalgic feeling back. I remember the late night/early morning blog writing, listening to jazz or some sort of hip hop, and just speaking my mind.

And so here I am, listening to will.i.am at 1 in the morning (late by my standards now), restarting my blog all over again.

I wrote some pretty deep entries back in the day. Some of them dealt with how my future would turn out. Some were sort of "inspirational" messages I would write to myself to keep me motivated. Others were about some of the hardships I went through and how I managed to get through them. Interestingly enough, a lot of them apply to me today. Here are some examples:

I'll start with this one:

Saturday, December 31, 2005

I'm going to stop relying so much on blogs to get my point across.

20 years now I've let my emotions build up inside me. Me? I'm too nice of a guy to tell someone to their face how I feel. So I write everything down, a way of venting I suppose. I don't think that it's good for me to bottle up like that, so from now on, I'm just going to tell people right then how I feel. Whether they are my friend or not, and if I so happen to lose a friend, so be it. The forgotten mind will no longer be forgotten.

Believe it or not, I did stop relying on my blog to get my point across.

Now going in chronological order:

Monday, August 01, 2005

Anyways this post is meant to be a reality check. For all of those who have been living in this dream world for the (insert floating point # here) (insert unit of time here) and now have hit a low point which you haven't experienced in quite some time. Welcome to life. Life isn't meant to be perfect. Sure there are high points, but those high points are only rewards for getting through the hard times in life, and going from the high life to rock bottom is the most difficult part in life. However, one can only get stronger by sucking up and dealing with it. I feel that this is the difference between successful people and deadbeats. Successful people can deal with hardships and deadbeats just keep on whining about how much their life sucks and don't do anything about it. And when I say successful I don't mean financially wise, I mean happiness wise.

This is especially true with the way the economy is now. I have had friends and colleagues who have lost their jobs and are just moping around wondering "Why me?" If the economy has directly affected you (as I'm sure it has), I hope this message helps you get to where you want to be.

Monday, September 26, 2005

It's 7:59am. You can feel the sweat crystallizing on your forehead as you await the sound of the bell. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people just like you are packed onto the Floor. They are nervous as well, news of the yet another hurricane impacting Florida have caused a panic in the orange juice industry, causing many people to sell sell sell. The game is simple, make more money than the person next to you. You've both learned the same thing in college, you've both been in the business long enough to know all the tricks in the book. It comes down to strategizing and dedication. Are you willing to get up an extra hour early to read the journal and stay on top of the news? Are you willing to take the risks that nobody will take? That's the difference in this game.

8am. The opening bell of the market is like the bell to start the 1st round of a tyson vs. holyfield match. People are pushing and shoving for position, sweat is flying everywhere and landing on your freshly dry-cleaned versace suit. As people are selling their orange juice investments, the price of orange juice drops dramatically. You think to yourself, "Man, what an opportunity to buy." You remember reading an article you found on the Internet at 3 in the morning last night about the demand for Brazilian orange juice. Amidst the chaos and hysteria, you calmly pull out your smart phone and make a few calls to a couple of contacts in Brazil. You've put a quarter million dollars into an industry that was supposed to be going down for a while. The guy next to you overhears part of your conversation, he calls you crazy, says you are nothing but a rich amateur trying to be a hotshot. You just smirk at him and walk away. Later that day, news hits that Brazil is importing 50% more orange juice to the United States. Another frenzy. Players pushing and shoving to get a piece of the pie. But not you, you sit in the corner with a big grin as you watch the ticker report that orange juice has gone up 25%. At 3:45pm, 15 minutes before the closing bell, you sell your investment at 35% more than what you put in. By the end of the day, you walk away $87,500 richer. The guy next to you loses money today by selling oj at a low price then buying at a higher price. You smile at him as you both walk out the door at the same time. You know you belong here. This is why you quit your other job as the computer nerd at a big bank. Because you live for the pressure, you live for the excitement, you live for the glory of looking at the guy next to you and knowing you are better than him.

A terrible attempt at a short story in which I envision myself as a trader on the NYSE instead of programming. Interesting points here, I wrote this when I thought I was sick and tired of Comp Sci and thought that being good at trading stocks meant you had to read a bunch of websites and buy equities. I was wrong on two things:

a) I could never give up on Comp Sci because it is what I am meant to do, and it is what I am good at and enjoy doing and

b) Making tons of money by day trading is not as easy as reading articles and buying stock. Boy, do I know that now. I'll spare you the details.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Life is not static. Things will not always be the way you plan it to be. How do you get ahead then? It's like in basketball. A team will run a play once or twice and it will work. The third time, the defense is waiting. They know what you are going to do. What are YOU going to do? How are YOU going to reach your goal? Are you just going to do what you did before? Of course not. That's disaster. The defense will steal the ball from you! So what do you do? You improvise. You adapt. Look at your surroundings, your environment and you make the best possible decision at that time. So next time life gives you lemons, try not making lemonade with it, try squirting the lemon juice in the eyes of the person that gave it to you. (WHAT??? I SHOULD STOP WRITING)

Open up your eyes.

Things happen for a reason. Even the bad things. They are there to test and broaden your boundaries. If everybody had a life without misfortune, we'd be carefree and comfortable, yet life would be kind of boring wouldn't you think? Our failures and the rough patches in our lives will make us grow stronger. There is no point in dwelling from our mistakes because we cannot change what happened. What we should do is not to look back with regret but to look back and learn from what we did wrong because it is failure that teaches us success.

Once again, back to the economy. Just remember that things happen for a reason, and that we cannot celebrate our greatest triumphs until we overcome our biggest downfalls.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Now, you are asking yourself, "Why is Alan telling me all this? I don't want to know about his daily life!" Well, I tell you this because as I was hanging out with all my friends this past weekend, I came to a revelation. I should have seen this coming earlier, but it is only starting to hit me now. I am about to transfer to another phase in my life, I'm about to graduate college and go to the real world and work. I won't have that comfort of being surrounded by the usual friends anymore. It was the same way in high school. The people you are used to seeing on a daily basis, your friends that you hung out with every weekend (or more often), and all of a sudden, we go our seperate ways. We each have our own agendas, and they may or may not include the people we are so comfortable with. So what happens next? I'll graduate, the people I'm so used to seeing in college will also graduate and we'll go our own ways. We may or may not stay in touch, but even if we do, will it be the same? I mean, besides the people I see here at UD, who else do I hang out with from Charter who didn't go to UD? Tiffany and Sammy, that's it. Which UD graduates do I hang out with? Emily, Sandy, and Dan? That's like...2% of the people I know. And I only hang out with them every 3-4 months. It sucks knowing that after I graduate in 6 months, I won't be talking to 95% of the people I talk to now.

Sad, but true. (Can you tell I am getting tired?)

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I need to get out of Delaware. Bad. I need a change of scenery. I need to find a girl, hahaha. Sucks that
I didn't have time this semester to deal with relationships, but maybe in 2007. Or maybe I
could be like Sandy and Emily and find someone like...2 months after they graduate...hahaha!
(By the way, we're coming to visit you guys in NYC this January!) Man, speaking of which, there are a lot of people I want to visit. Sandy and Emily in NYC. Tiffany and crew in Boston. The OG Singapore crew in California. Singapore! (SINNGGGAAPOORREEE!!!) Yeah...I need cash.

Yes, also true too :)

I don't think we're in Delaware anymore Toto

2007-08-20T22:14:00.000-04:00

So, the first couple of weeks in NYC have been a real eye-opener. There are things I have experienced in the first 2 weeks in NYC that one would not see in the great state of Delaware. Let's see...

1) On my 3rd day of work, NYC got hit with a huge storm, causing the first tornado in Brooklyn in like...110 years or something outrageous like that. It actually shut down about 90% of the subway system, and so a normal 30 minute commute to work turned into a 2.5 hour journey through NYC. First, the train station that is closest to me was completely shut down, with no trains running at all. Cool! So my roommate gives me a ride to the only line that was running through Queens that day (the 7 train). Of course, the 7 train is completely packed and the platforms were also insanely packed with people trying to get on. 4 trains pass by without a single person able to get on. After a 30 minute wait for a train, I decided to take the 7 train AWAY from Manhattan to the end of the line, hop off, and get back on the 7 train going TOWARDS Manhattan. 40 minutes later, I'm back to the same stop I was standing at, but on the train this time.
Anyways, I make it to Grand Central station (42nd St.) and was about to transfer to another train (the 6) but it turns out that the 6 line was down too. So I started walking. 16 blocks later, I'm 2 hours late for work and soaked in sweat. FUN TIMES!

2) I'm walking down Broadway in Queens with a friend of mine and from a distance we see a person in a bright pink dress. As we walk closer towards this person, we notice that it was actually a guy wearing a dress, and that he was walking down the street talking to a guy in a camouflage army uniform. As we get even closer, we notice that he has a live pigeon resting on top of his head. No joke. I thought it was a fake bird, until it started flapping its wings. The crazy thing was that NOBODY on the streets thought it was a weird thing. They acted normal, walking around like it he wasn't there. Meanwhile I'm trying to hold back my laugh and I'm looking around trying to see if anybody else saw this, but no!

3) There is this church, called "The Rock Church" that is about 2 blocks from my apt, which I think is one of the shadiest places around the apt. During the day, it seems like a normal church and everything, (I think it might be a southern baptist church with all the music and stuff, correct me if that is a wrong assumption), but at night time, there are raves and rock shows and crazy underage gangster kids smoking outside. Also during the day time, there is a crazy anti-Christian woman that sits outside the church and yells at anybody who goes in. I was walking home one day and there was a guy who just came out of the church and got in his car, and the crazy woman kept shouting at him saying "the Jesus lover was going to run [her] over". Finally, the guy replied "I'm not gonna run you over lady, but I am gonna choke you with that scarf around your neck if you don't get the fuck out of my way." That's not very Christian like...

4) I have [over]heard some of the craziest conversations on the subways and out in public. Despite having this stereotype for being hardasses, New Yorkers are actually pretty funny. My favorite conversation that I overheard went something like this:

Older brother: Yo, check out the Jetsons' hair.
Younger brother: Who are the Jetsons?
Older brother: You don't know the Jetsons? They dem' n***as from space!

Now, what's funny about this is that if you've ever watched the Jetsons, they are about as white as you can get.

Other conversations overheard

5) I was in Chinatown the other day, feeling pretty happy because I just bought a "Movado" watch for $15, when I was crossing a really busy intersection and saw 2 boys pissing right on the corner. Out in the open. Not even trying to hide the fact that they were pissing behind a fruit stand. In fact, I overheard the boys saying how he was gonna piss longer than the other one. Once again, there had to have been over 100 people who witnessed this "competition", but everybody acted like it was nothing!

So, in summary I have learned that anything considered "out of place" in Delaware actually occurs daily here in NYC and that I just something I will have to get used to....maybe. No, that's a lie. I will probably still laugh at them.

But seriously, I am loving NYC, it is definitely a different experience and something I needed to do while I'm still young. I'm exploring the city still, checking out all the places that you wouldn't see in Delaware (jazz clubs, ethnic restaurants, crazy bars/clubs, Times Square) and I've met some really cool people while getting to know other people a lot more. This is something I could get used to.

A Farewell to What I've Known

2007-08-02T01:03:00.000-04:00

Hi. This will probably be the last blog post before I go through major changes in my life. It's kind of crazy, really. I think it finally hit me that I am not a college student anymore. I spent a lot of time on Main St. this summer; hanging out at all the "old" places I would be when I went to school like Shaggy's, Kate's, Grotto's, and it just didn't feel the same. Maybe it was because it was summer time and the bars were empty, but for some reason it didn't feel right.

I've been at home mostly for the past week and a half getting ready for my move to Queens and trying to hang out with everybody I can before I move. However, none of my friends can hang out during the day because they are all working, working somewhere in MD, PA, DE, or some other far away state. There was once a time where I could call up somebody, anybody, at 2pm for a beer a Grotto's and just hang out, but no longer.

(I feel like none of these paragraphs connect...whatever.)

Here's a random story. I was driving home from UD one night when I decided to call someone just to talk, which is pretty rare because I don't talk on the phone often, or for very long. UD is about 30-40 minutes from my house, and I made the call while on 95. I had a very good conversation with this person, but what freaked me out was I was completely engulfed in my conversation with this person, that I felt like I wasn't paying much attention to the road. In fact, about 5 minutes before I got to my house, I was stopped at a red light and I thought to myself "Wow, how did I get here?" I literally could not remember my drive from the time I made the call until I stopped at the red light. It was then I realized that I needed to get out of DE. Why? If I can subconsciously navigate my way through 30% of northern DE, I've been here too long.

And so starts a new book in the series of my life. I think the title of this book will be called "Alan Nguyen and the Hustling Metropolis". Doesn't have the same ring as "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," but I think it has potential to be one of the best books of the series.

Laziness

2007-07-08T00:06:00.000-04:00

Whoops, forgot to update, let's recap the past 3 months shall we?

-I graduated (sort of).
-I went back to school for 2 courses.
-I got a job in NYC.
-I went to Cancun.
-I went apartment shopping.
-I found out I didn't actually graduate yet.

Stuff I will blog about in the near future (being intentionally vague):

-A special shoutout to those who helped me get my diploma.
-Why being home sucks.
-Why NYC is/will be awesome.
-Why I need to get out of Delaware.
-Why change should be expected and embraced.

Obviously that way too much to blog on one sitting, so if you want to talk about something, feel free to IM me.

This is what I'm looking for

2007-04-14T02:13:00.000-04:00

I almost declined their request for an interview. "Thursday morning at 9:30am? In NYC? What the hell?" And then when I read to the bottom of the e-mail, I realize its from Deloitte & Touche. "Wow! This is an awesome opportunity!" I think to myself, so I read the job description. They are looking for a person who has a duel degree in Computer Science and something in Business. Wow, yet another near perfect fit! Ok, so I accept their interview. I find out that they will be paying for all accommodations, including transportation, hotel if I need it, food, and other random stuff. "Wow, they are willing to drop money on me, they must want to talk to me!"

Ok, so this email was sent to me late Monday afternoon, meaning I had to plan out everything in a day, which may not sound too difficult but with classes and such, I was busy all Tuesday and Wednesday. I decided not to spend Wednesday night in NYC, figuring I needed to finish up some work Wednesday night and it would give me time to talk to my parents to see if they could give me advice.

So, fast forward to Thursday morning. I woke up at 5am to catch a 6:12am Acela train to NYC. This is when I regret my decision not to sleep at a hotel in NYC the night before. Not only that, it was a TERRIBLE day to be traveling, since it was rainy and windy and cold. Anyways, I get to NYC a little before 8 and I eat breakfast and such and get to the World Financial Center 40 minutes before my interview time. I spent a few moments looking across the street at Ground Zero. It was the first time I've been to the site since a few months before 9/11 and I must admit, it was really weird seeing that huge void right in the middle of the city. I saw some tourists pose near the window with ground zero in the background, and for some reason it didn't feel right. I mean, thousands of people died there, seems a little strange to be smiling and posing near it. I don't know, maybe its been too soon, maybe in the future it'll be like the Pearl Harbor museum. I took a few pictures of the site (with no posing people in it), but for some reason, I can't find it on my memory card anymore. How strange...

Anyways, I had 4 interviews while at Deloitte on Thursday. I had a feeling of confidence walking into these interviews. I did my homework on the company, I rehearsed my interview questions with my parents and with Tiffany, and I had a few good questions to ask them. All of this was for naught after the first question. The interviewer looks at my resume and after asking me what courses I've taken at UD, asks "Well, what is a linked list?" WHAT?!?! Ok, I know what a linked list is, but I wasn't ready for such a question. Why are they asking me such technical questions?? So after a slight hesitation, I give him a pretty crappy description of what a linked list is, even though I know exactly how it's implemented. He proceeds to ask me more about comp sci stuff, then eventually he describes the job and what he does. My best answer that day was when he asks me "Well, how do you feel that you won't be using your degree in Econ that much in this job?" to which I retort "Well, I still feel like I can speak to and understand business people and translate that to a more technical, IT type person to make the job more efficient." Man I'm brilliant. So, the first interview I felt was a lot like a technical skills type interview, where the interviewer tested me on my knowledge. I think I did OK on this interview, I was a little shocked at first but I think I recovered well.

The 2nd interview was more of the traditional type. She asked a lot of the questions I had rehearsed before that day. Stuff like: "Why are you interested in this job?", "Explain a time when [insert situation here]." She explains the job a little bit more in detail to me, explaining how she was part of the "Oil for Food" scandal investigations, and how she helped figure out where the fraud took place and how much Saddam had been illegally making. That immediately caught my attention and made me realize that this was the job for me. I came out of that interview with a big smile on my face. I remember thinking to myself "Ok, the past 2 interviews haven't been too bad...don't screw up now." Can you guess what happens next?

Now, in between the 1st and 2nd interview I had, I had a few minutes to recuperate and gather myself as I walked to the next interview. Not between the 2nd and 3rd interview. It was literally a 30 second walk to the next interview, and I felt like I was being thrown into the lion's den. The next interview was with a Asian woman, who just happened to be the manager of the department I applied for. She immediately begins to grill me on anything and everything. "How much do you know about databases?" "You know access? How do you do [insert obscure thing] in access?" Wow man! At this point I'm freaking out a little bit and starting to get a little nervous, but the woman continues to hand it to me. "Why is Java's GUI interface separate from all the other interfaces?" "How do you convert a decimal number to binary?" WHAT??? Who asks that in an interview? I completely bomb this interview, although I like to think that this interview was more of a behavioral interview and not really a technical one. Perhaps she was just asking those tough questions to see how I'd react? Either way, that interview sucked and I really really hope that one didn't affect my chances of getting this job.

Anyways, my last interview was with a senior associate in the group. He stayed away from the main interview questions and asked if I had worked in a team before. Of course, I bring up the project from last semester (it really is proving to be a great interview topic) and he asks me to explain it in detail. He was particularly interested in how the "mapquest" portion of the project worked. (To refresh your memory, the user was able to enter and starting and ending address on campus and the program figured out the best bus path to take, much like Mapquest or Google Maps.) Now, it was a good thing I was team leader AND I was one of the people (Nick was the other one) who worked on this part of the program. So I go into excruciating details on how that part of the program worked, right down to how the code was laid out, how classes were defined, and how they interacted. In fact, I even got into specific for loops and if clauses. This explanation lasted nearly 20 minutes, with me drawing all over the whiteboard, but him understanding everything and following my logic. This interview was definitely a test of my problem solving abilities, and I feel like I demonstrated it extremely well. Hopefully, this interview makes up for the previous one.

So, all in all, it was definitely a very good experience for me to go up to NYC and take this interview. And to think, I nearly declined it because I was afraid of missing some classes. This is most definitely the kind of job I am looking for. That, combined with the fact that it is with Deloitte, one of the biggest auditing companies in the world, AND its in the heart of NYC, I couldn't ask for a better opportunity. I really hope I get this job, I don't think I can possibly find a better job than this. I've already declined a few other opportunities hoping for the call back next week with good news.

Did I mention how excited I am and how much I want this job? Tiffany, being the gold-digger she is, said we would get married if I got this job so we could share a ridiculously cheap apt in Manhattan. You must admit, Tiffany Zee Nguyen has a nice ring to it. Hahahaha! But let's think about it, we'd have the most screwed up marriage ever:
1) No sex, in fact I'm pretty sure we'd never see each other naked during the duration of our marriage.
2) Affairs galore. I would so blatantly cheat on her. Hell, I'd even tell her I was cheating on her, bring my "mistress" back to the apt, and we'd eat dinner together. Now this would probably work both ways. There is no doubt Tiffany would end up bringing some dude home and we'd play Cooking Mama all night. Oh wait....
3) Our in-laws would think we were crazy, but for some reason I totally think they would encourage this idea. Well, maybe not Mama Zee or Mama Nguyen.

Can anybody say "prenuptial agreement"?

Major Senioritis

2007-04-09T01:10:00.000-04:00

So, this coming week I have:
2x Tests
2x Homework Sets
Programming Project
Paper
A bunch of small HW assignments.

But do I care? Nope. Not one bit. Senioritis is in full force, and its really not what I need, considering I kind of need to do semi-well in my classes, plus I have more classes in the summer to take. I think I'm just sick of it all, really. I will not miss all the classes, the hw, and the stress of college.

On another note, I got yet another rejection letter from a company which I thought I had a good interview with. Now this begs the question, when the hell will I find a freaking job? I guess I can't be too picky with my first job, but I also don't want to be miserable either. And I sure as hell don't want to stay in Delaware. I guess it will all turn out for the best...

Being sick sucks. Can't think...I'll write more later.

A Sort of Mystery

2007-03-13T00:52:00.000-04:00

There really is something about me and getting weird interviews from companies. Here's the story...

On Saturday night at about 6:30pm, I received a phone call on my cell phone. The actual phone number showed up on my cell phone, meaning that it was not somebody I knew.

"Area code 609? Who could that be?" I thought to myself.

I answered the phone. A man with a heavy accent replied to my greeting by asking me if I was Alan. I said yes with a bit of hesitation, because I could not figure out what accent the man had. How did he get my number? Where did he come from? Why is he calling me?

"Hi, Alan. My name is [insert incomprehensible utterance] from "d[some letter] [something that began with "di"]
"Excuse me? I'm sorry I didn't catch your name or where you are from."
"This is [still couldn't understand] from [some company]"
(Repeat 3x)

After the fifth iteration, I felt that it was just rude to ask him to repeat himself again. His accent was so thick, and by this time I concluded it was an Indian accent, since he stated that he got my resume from a man named Abishek. Cool, you have my resume, but who is Abishek? And why are you calling me on Saturday at 6:30 at night?

"We have an urgent Financial Data Analyst position available and we'd like to offer you a job if you are interested."

What?!?!?
"Sure, I'd like to hear more about it."
He goes on to describe the job and the training. That lasts 5 minutes or so. His next question
"So tell me about yourself."
"OK, well I'm a senior at the University of Delaware. I'm a double major, Computer Science and Economics and..."
"GREAT! You match our position perfectly. Now what would a good starting salary for you be?"
"Well...anything between 40 to 50k would be nice."
"What if we offer you a starting salary of 55k with the chance to get a 10% raise every year?"
"....That...sounds great?"

Wow...sounds really good right now. There must be some catch, right?
"Now, your training will cost $800 upfront. It will include all manuals and training, food, internet, a computer, and living costs for a month. After 2 weeks of training you will go through 2 weeks of 'boot camp'. After your evaluation, your salary will begin."

WHAT? Pay $800 upfront? Start getting paid after that? I ask the question:
"Well, if I go to this training program, am I guaranteed a job?"
"You will have to ask my supervisor. He will call you in 30 minutes and I will send you an email with more information."

End of conversation. Turns out that I do not receive an email from this guy, and I do not get a call from his supervisor. Whatever, sounded like a scam anyways.

So Monday morning comes around, I still do not hear from this man. I can't look up the company because I did not understand him when he said it the first five times. I decided to put my e-stalking skills to the test. I googled the phone number he used to call me. Hit! Turns out the guy's name is Mark Li and he works for HD Dimension. So it wasn't an Indian accent after all, but a Chinese accent! AH HA! After looking through the website, I decided to do a little research on the company. Surprisingly, there is not much on them on Google. That could be a good or bad thing. Anyways, it still doesn't tell me how they got my number or resume.

So later that day, I go to lab. Everybody but 5 or 6 people decided to show up today, so I had a lot of free time. I went to the Career Services website to look for more jobs I can apply to, and as I was looking at my past applications, I noticed HD Dimension was on my list. After further investigation, it turns out the main contact for HD Dimension with UD is Avishek Mukhopadhyay. Mystery #2 solved. I emailed him back to ask him more about the job. A few hours later, Mark called me back to tell me that since I'll be in school until May, that he will contact me later in May about a job offer. He also stated that I should apply for an H1B visa. I'm not sure if he noticed, but my English is pretty good. Much better than an immigrant who is not a citizen of the United States. Why the hell would I need a visa to work in the U.S.?

As for the email, I did receive one finally. In the email, it states that they are looking for a Chinese consultant who is fluent in Chinese. Well, the last time I checked, Nguyen was a VIETNAMESE surname. I don't understand how they could confuse me with a Chinese person and certainly one who is fluent in Chinese. But they don't have to know that until I sign the contract and meet them in person ;-)

But anyways, weird scenario or what? More updates soon, I promise.

One last kick in the ass

2007-03-06T00:20:00.000-05:00

Currently on month 17 of 19 (now 20...explanation later) straight months at UD.

Remember last semester when I said that if I get to the spring everything would be smooth sailing? Well, it hasn't. What was I thinking? Things don't go my way, things never go my way. In fact, if somebody told me things always went their way I'd probably laugh in their face and walk away.

Anyways, reverting back to a previous post of mine, I was quoted as follows:
"Two more months and I'm free. My future is in two months. In two months, I will be able to forget all about Computer Science and do what I like to do. It's like comparative advantage, everybody does what they are good at, and everybody benefits. I'm not good at programming, so I won't do it. I'm good at helping people, so I will do that."

Boy was I wrong.

Now nearly 4 months since I wrote that blog, I'm still have no idea what I'm doing. My future isn't in 2 months. I haven't forgotten about Computer Science yet. What do I like to do? I still don't know. I was at an interview for a equity trading firm on Wall St. the other day. Pretty cool job I was really pumped for it. After talking to the interviewer for a while, he noted to me that I belong in the tech industry, not the investment industry. So I'm thinking to myself, "No, I've been in the tech industry and I don't belong there," but now I'm starting to rethink it. After last semester, I've realized that I'm not as bad as I thought I was at programming, and in fact I'm pretty good when I work with other people. As for that whole financial advising gig? Maybe it's not for me. Getting paid like shit for the first couple of years when all I wanted to do was work and go back to school? No thanks. So now I'm back to square one...what do I want to do? Where do I want to do it? Stuff that I previously thought I figured out in my head is not materializing as it should be, but why would it anyways?

Speaking of stuff not materializing the way it should be, it turns out that I will not be graduating with what I had intended to graduate with in May. On the last day of drop/add, I get a notice from the College of Arts and Sciences saying that I'm 9 credits short of graduating. 9 credits? After further investigation, there is a minimum of 154 credits for a double degree, and I have 145, EVEN THOUGH I have completed all the requirements for both my degrees. What does this mean? In May, I can graduate with a Computer Science degree or a Economics degree, but not both. I have to go to summer school to get my other degree. Any 3 classes. Stupid, no? Anyways, after a lot of talking, it turns out that if I apply for a B.S. in Economics, I would only need 150 credits, therefore only needing to sacrifice the last 2 months of my summer instead of the entire summer taking classes. This leaves me with about a month to travel and hang out with my friends before they go off to grad school or work or something. Wonderful, could it get any worse?

Why of course! We're talking about me for crying out loud!

Let's revert back to another excerpt from the post in October, shall we?
"In two months, I will have a 12 credit semester for the spring. In two months, I may never have to program ever again. In two months, I will finally be able to relax and enjoy my last semester in college."

HAHAHA! Relax? Even though I'm taking 4 classes, these classes are some of the hardest/most time consuming classes I've taken since, my very first semester of college. Sure, learning about decision making under uncertainty is pretty interesting, but it's tough. Who really cares about the history of integrals. And who really cares that A* is optimal and complete if and only if the heuristic defined is admissible? This may be my senioritis talking, but this has not been a breeze. It's not only the academics, its just life in general. So many things have not gone my way since the semester started, and it just keeps piling on. Stuff that has never happened to me before is all happening to me at once, and it sucks. I guess I am still stuck in jail.

But on the other hand, I am trying my hardest to just relax and enjoy the last semester. I may never see some of these people again, or if I do it'll be a rare visit. Why not make the most of it now? I've been snowboarding a few times, gone out to the bars with some people, and just enjoyed the company of others. Yet, I'm still not where I want to be.

Hopefully, this is the last kick in the ass, the last test to see if I can make it through "the real world," because seriously, if I can make it through what I've been through the last 19 months, I can make it through just about anything.

If you are still reading this, I am truly amazed and I thank you for taking the time to hear what I have to say. To reward you, I have an interesting/bad/semi-racist story to tell you. So today, I had an interview at a financial sales company, Hennion & Walsh. If you click on the link, you may or may not notice, but that is a pretty CRAPPY website for a company that is suppose to be handling your life savings. Anyways, the woman who was interviewing me, in my opinion, was being too much of a salesperson. For example, when she told me that my wage was going to be $125 a week for the first 2 months and $1250/month for the next 12 months, she tried to justify that by saying that you don't get to be successful without taking risk. Risk? Getting paid $1000 bucks for 2 months and then $15,000 for the first year is not risk, its poverty. Especially for a firm that's 30 minutes outside of NYC. Even with the bonus, its still a pretty low $30000, and that's not even guaranteed.

Anyways, the interview goes on, and by the end she comes back to the whole salary thing and she says "Yes, it'll be a lot of tough work, and there will be nights where you'll be..." *slight pause* "...you know eating rice for dinner. Or eating..." *another pause* "...ramen noodles for dinner but it all comes with the territory." WHAT?!? I understand that she's trying to make a point that I won't be eating filet mignons for dinner, but come on? Rice and ramen? You know I'm Asian, I eat that shit every night, and I'm not poor. You know, mac & cheese is pretty cheap too. PBJ sandwiches are cheap, pasta is cheap to make too. Hell, chicken's only 2.99 a pound! Why does everything have to be about race?? That's my racist story for the day, good night.

What superpower would you want?

2007-02-05T01:16:00.000-05:00

So, my semester ended on Friday, giving me the weekend to do absolutely nothing. So what did I do? I watched 13 episodes of Heroes (thanks Erica). I must say, it's a really good show. I like how everything is connected. Anyhow, after watching 13 hours of the show, I flip to FOX during the halftime show of the Super Bowl and what movie is playing? None other than X2: X-men United. Interesting, my entire weekend was spent watching shows/movies about mutations in human beings.

Now, obviously, this posed a very interesting question. If I had a superpower, what would I want it to be? Of course, I've asked myself this question many times, and I've always come up with the same answer, but after much thought, I realized that all powers have their pros and cons. Here, I'll break down the most "common" superpowers and tell you what I like and dislike about them.

Assumptions: You can only have one super power (with the exception of "stealing" other people's powers...but that will be discussed later). You know how to throw a punch or a kick (basically...you can fight).

Flying: Quite possibly the most common ability among superheroes. Superman has it. Nathan Petrelli has it. Sure, it's pretty cool to fly away with the birds, but doesn't it get kind of boring after a while? If flying is all you can do, you'll get owned in a fight indoors against someone stronger than you. Overall, flying is cool, but kind of boring, in my opinion.

Super Fast Healing: Like Wolverine, Lady Deathstrike, or Claire Bennett. Nothing can hurt you. You never die (unless your body is pumped full of indestructable metal). This would be a cool power too except you'd pretty much live forever. Never in fear, never really watching your back. It's this kind of paranoia (no matter how slight it is) that keeps life interesting, well my life at least. So, just like flying, this ability is not for me.

Reading people's minds: Like Matt Parkman, or Xavier (although Xavier's power is much more powerful as he can actually control people's minds too). Sure it would be nice to know what people are thinking sometimes, but all the time? What if you don't want to know what they are thinking? Wouldn't that suck?

Taking other people's powers: Ok, absolutely the most worthless power ever. Rogue sucks. Peter Petrelli sucks. Sure, you can be any hero you want, but what if you aren't near a hero? You're screwed, son. 'Nuff said.

Time travel: Butterfly effect. Change one thing, screw up something else. Not my idea of fun.

Other powers that are pretty worthless that aren't worth explaining: Invisibility, erasing people's memories, creating different weather phenomenon, shooting lasers out of your eyes (SMH @ cyclops), having an alter-ego, hax0ring machines (though it would come in handy right now with my computer in the shop), walking through walls, remembering everything you come in contact with.

Now that that's is over with, now we can get on to pretty cool powers.

Telekinesis- Something about being able to move objects just by thinking about it is pretty cool. I'd never have trouble opening that pickle jar ever again...

Creating fire: Just because I'm a pyro. FIRE??? FIRE!!!!!!

Creating ice: Just so I can put out all the fires I create.

Persuating people: I can make people do whatever I want? Boy, that would be fun, but isn't that cheating? My morals say I shouldn't take this power, but man would I have fun.

Super speed: My original favorite super power. I could be anywhere on the planet in no time flat. But man, if I ran into something that fast, I'm a dead man. My reaction time would have to be BEAST.

Now, the moment of truth, the superpower of choice for Alan Nguyen is:

Teleportation! It's almost like having super speed, but instead of running everywhere and risk bumping into something and killing myself, I can just bend space and teleport to whereever I need to go. Think of nightstalker in X-men and how cool he is. Hiro in Heroes, he can teleport whereever the hell he wants. Combine the two teleportation variants and that is what I want. Now THAT'S cool.

Anyways, that's the geekiest post I've ever done. I also did the geekiest thing this week. I named my computer Nadia. Poor Nadia is in the shop :( Hopefully Nadia will be back for Valentine's Day or I will cry. I may have to cheat on her at some point too. But shh...she doesn't know that...

Nothing to say

2007-01-30T00:48:00.000-05:00

I don't really have much to say. Life is pretty normal I think. No outrageous observations...I don't think. Let's see what I can come up with...

Hmm...well computers officially hate me. My laptop, barely 15 months old, has once again crashed and burned...literally. The fan decided to stop working, therefore causing the inside of my laptop to completely overheat and about every 20 minutes it will turn off. 2nd time in under 6 months my laptop has broken. Maybe it was all that Warcraft that drove it to the edge? Possible, the fan went crazy every time I played, but does anyone see the irony in a comp sci major always having problems with his computer? It must be a sign, a sign for me to stay the hell away from computers.

Can't think of anything else...yeah...just wait until spring semester starts up again...

This is going to be a good year.

2007-01-03T00:59:00.001-05:00

Have you ever gotten that feeling where you wake up and you think to yourself, "Man, this is going to be a good day!" Well I have a feeling that this entire year will be a pretty amazing one. Why?

1) I'll be done with college (for now). 20 months straight of school. No more classes. No more random homework assignments. I didn't think I was going to make it, but somehow I did. Just an easy winter session and a 12 credit spring semester left. Hopefully all this work pays off.

2) Since I'll be graduating, I'll finally have time off to do the things I want to do. That means traveling, snowboarding (in the summer? California somewhere?), or whatever the hell I want to do. Who wants to go to Singapore?

3) There have been signs that this year will be a lucky year for me. For example, somehow I scored a Wii 5 days after it came out and now everybody and their mothers are looking for one. Lucky. Another example, Jarcy got me scratch em' lottery tickets for secret santa. New year's eve I scratch them, out of the 10 chances I had to win, I won all 10 of them. Lucky.

On that note, my new year's resolution for 2007 is to just enjoy the ride. Its my last 5 months on campus and I need to make the most of it. This chance won't come by again. Make the most of it. No more holding back. (Man I'm just rambling)

Also, as a temporary new year's resolution, I need to work off the fat I gained from drinking/eating/programming last semester. I feel disgusting. Need to start lifting and running and balling again. At least 10 pounds by my 22nd birthday. (22nd? Ewwwww....)

Sorry this post kinda sucks.

To my dearest Secret Santa (or whoever else wants to buy me a gift)

2006-12-16T01:53:00.000-05:00

There are a few things I wouldn't mind seeing when we exchange gifts sometime this Christmas break. (in no particular order)

1) Everybody knows I have no sense in fashion. A new outfit would be cool. New jeans at least.
2) I need new dress shirts. (My size is 16, 34-35) Here are the options:
a) An olive green shirt with matching tie.
b) A brown shirt with matching tie.
c) A blue shirt with matching tie.
d) A grey shirt with matching tie.
e) Ties that match a black, maroon (Concord HS shade), or dark blue dress shirt.
3) A Wiimote for my Wii.
4) For those of you who really want to drop $$ on me, a Tempur-Pedic pillow. My "memory-foam" pillow sucks.
5) Brookstone is always a good option. Well...except for the deer repellent...I don't really have much use for that.
6) The Google Store is still open...
7) A set of 2.1 computer speakers (2 speakers, subwoofer)

A big thanks to my secret santa, whoever you are! Even though I could look right now...man I'm tempted....but I won't. Does writing a computer program that does secret santa make me a dork? Anyways, I digress. To the person receiving my gift, you'll like it. Hopefully. Though I haven't actually finished shopping yet WHICH IS WHY I NEED A LIST FROM ALL OF YOU!

K THX
-Luan

I can't believe its over.

2006-12-10T02:47:00.000-05:00

Another semester. Another semester I thought I wasn't going to pass. Another semester I somehow managed to pass. This has been by far the most difficult semester I've dealt with, but I have learned so much, grown up so much, yet I still don't know where I'm going.

What have I learned, you ask? Well:

a) This new version of Blogger sucks. It won't wrap the lines correctly, as you will see later in the blog.

1) I am never alone. Even when I think nobody knows what I'm going through, that they can't help me, someone will. They may be someone you expect it from, you may meet someone new, but somebody will ALWAYS be in the same boat you are in. I didn't know anybody in my CISC group this semester (with the exception of that ASSHOLE Tom, yeah if you are reading this I'm calling you out you worthless son of a bitch.) Our grades depended on how well we worked on this project. We all depended on each other to pass our last CISC requirement. They were the ones that helped me through this the most. To tell you the truth, as much as CISC475 sucked, I'm glad I was the team leader of my group. I wouldn't have wanted to work with any other team but mine. It was a pleasure.  Tom, I hope you fail.  You deserve it and you know it.  The entire class knows about it.
And Leipold knows about it.   Good luck next semester, ass.

Not only that, the encouragement I got from my friends was incredible.  The support was awesome.

In short, thank you to all who was there for me.

2)  I'm two semesters away from the end.  I'm on month 14 of 20 straight months in school with no break.  I'm ready for a big break.  None of this 2 week
bullshit.  I'm ready for a full out vacation with O'hana in the summer without any worries.  I
think I deserve it?
So far its been tough, but it's coming to an end, and I cannot wait for the final semester.  Bring it!

3)  As for my future, I thought I figured out what I want to do, but it turns out I haven't a clue.  I
thought financial advising was the right field for me, but now I'm starting to have my doubts.  Do
I really want to talk to clients all day?  The job has no travel opportunities, and sure I could make a LOT of money,
but is it what I really want to do?  Would I make a good advisor?  I think I would make a better
analyst that could HELP advisors.  Who knows, maybe I could write a program that could help
analyze stock movements and all that cool stuff.  I think someone I know is doing that...I'll have
to ask him if he needs a collaboration...hahaha.  Maybe when I go back to school for my MBA or
my master's I could use it as my dissertation, who knows.  See what I mean?  I don't know what
I want to do.

4)  As much as I say I hate programming, and as much as I say I hate computers, deep down
inside there will always be that nerdiness inside of me that will always go back to computer science.
Example, I do a secret santa every year with my small group of friends (really I've only been doing it for 2 years with them, they've been doing much longer before they met me, but I digress). Anyways, usually we draw when Tiffany comes back for Thanksgiving, but this year we were all busy and didn't get a chance to draw. So I developed a small program that chooses who everybody gets, emails everybody who they got, and writes out to seperate files who everybody got for "emergency purposes". Total scalability, the entire state of Delaware could take part in secret santa if they wanted with my program (hmm......). Yes, I wrote a program for fun.
How nerdy of me.   But like Tiffany and Jennifer said, it's the nerdiness that defines me.

I learned that I'm a better programmer than I originally thought and it would be a waste to not use my skills in a future job. Once again, back to #3, no idea what I want to do.

5)  I need to get out of Delaware.  Bad.  I need a change of scenery.  I need to find a girl, hahaha.  Sucks that
I didn't have time this semester to deal with relationships, but maybe in 2007.  Or maybe I
could be like Sandy and Emily and find someone like...2 months after they graduate...hahaha!
(By the way, we're coming to visit you guys in NYC this January!)  Man, speaking of which, there are a lot of people I want to visit. Sandy and Emily in NYC. Tiffany and crew in Boston. The OG Singapore crew in California. Singapore! (SINNGGGAAPOORREEE!!!)  Yeah...I need cash.

One more week and the semester from hell is over. I cannot wait until I can go home and worry about NOTHING for 2 weeks. Snowboarding, here I come!!!

Peace.

Wow its been a while

2006-11-27T01:35:00.000-05:00

I can't believe its been a month since I've written in this thing...

Time has gone by so fast, I've been so busy with stuff I haven't had time to update this. Well let's get caught up shall we before we go into deeper thoughts...

Well, this semester is very close to being over. My project is going along swimmingly. It is due in a week, yet we still have very far to go. There are a few people in my group that are still pissing me off and not pulling their weight, in fact I'm talking to one right now and he's REALLY pissing me off. Anyhow, maybe I'll talk about him later. This project is keeping me very busy, I don't have time to meet with the asian clubs or hang out with friends during the week. Sorry if you feel I've been so distant, I promise that once this is over, I'll be back to normal.

Other than that class, the other classes are going well. Though, I haven't been paying much attention in my other classes because of this project. I have stopped caring about my Java class or my Cognitive Science class. Yes, I know its a bad thing to say, but I really can't focus on them right now. I just do as much as I can, even if its not complete, and that is that. As a result, my grades aren't as good as they should be, but like my parents told me, just do what you need to pass. As for my econometrics class, that is by far my most interesting class, and I really enjoy learning about economic modeling and stuff of that nature. What about my computer networks class? That class is a joke. I don't pay attention or learn anything in that class. The professor cancels it at least once a week, sometimes twice a week. I don't even know if I will be going to any more of those classes for the rest of the semester...

Anyhow, I really cannot believe that this semester is a week and a half away from being over (two and a half including finals...but they don't count.) I bitched so much the past two months about how I'm not going to make it and how I should drop Computer Science, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have one week until this project is over, and that's it. I'll have one more semester
to go before I graduate...scary.

In other news, I got the rejection letter from Vanguard. Oh well, I had a feeling I wasn't going to get that job, so the search continues. I was suppose to have a 2nd interview over the phone with Waddell and Reed last week, but they never called. They claimed they called me, but I never got the phone call, even though I skipped a class and waited nearly an hour for that call. Well, they are suppose to call me on Wednesday, so we'll see how it goes. I've also had other job interviews, but those companies have been very shady, and they interview process wasn't very good. The gave me very little information about the company, and asked me to call them back if I was interested. Needless to say, I haven't been interested in any of them. The search continues...

Thanksgiving couldn't have come at a better time. I was overworking trying to get all my work done, and I hadn't had a long break since the 2 week break in the summer, so my 4 day weekend was spent doing absolutely no work. Sure, I'll pay for it this week, but it was nice to take my mind off of school for an extended period of time. What did I do the four days, you ask? Well, my Thanksgiving started at my aunt's house, where I had a Thanksgiving "dinner" at 2pm. I was stuffed by 3:30, when I got a call from the Zee's inviting me over for dinner at their house. Of course, I accepted and they had a HUGE hotpot dinner. A definate contrast to the Thanksgiving dinner. That night I did not sleep and decided to camp out for the Wii. I'll spare you the details, but I did manage to get one and have been playing it constantly for the entire weekend. Friday, Sammy came over and we played with the Wii for the afternoon. Saturday, I had my "first date" with Emiwwwy, which was a lot of fun due to her low tolerance and an expensive glass of wine. Sunday was spent with my family again, honoring my great grandparents with mass food and all my uncles drinking and smoking and peer pressuring my dad to do the same.

Now, you are asking yourself, "Why is Alan telling me all this? I don't want to know about his daily life!" Well, I tell you this because as I was hanging out with all my friends this past weekend, I came to a revelation. I should have seen this coming earlier, but it is only starting to hit me now. I am about to transfer to another phase in my life, I'm about to graduate college and go to the real world and work. I won't have that comfort of being surrounded by the usual friends anymore. It was the same way in high school. The people you are used to seeing on a daily basis, your friends that you hung out with every weekend (or more often), and all of a sudden, we go our seperate ways. We each have our own agendas, and they may or may not include the people we are so comfortable with. So what happens next? I'll graduate, the people I'm so used to seeing in college will also graduate and we'll go our own ways. We may or may not stay in touch, but even if we do, will it be the same? I mean, besides the people I see here at UD, who else do I hang out with from Charter who didn't go to UD? Tiffany and Sammy, that's it. Which UD graduates do I hang out with? Emily, Sandy, and Dan? That's like...2% of the people I know. And I only hang out with them every 3-4 months. It sucks knowing that after I graduate in 6 months, I won't be talking to 95% of the people I talk to now.

Well, I guess I'll end it on that.

My 2nd interview with Vanguard

2006-10-26T23:50:00.000-04:00

It was the earliest I had been awake in a while. In fact, I woke up before the sun did. I was supposed to be in Malvern, PA by 7:45am for my interview with Vanguard. 6am is a time that does not exist on my clock. I hopped into the shower (which I nearly fell asleep) and began to drive towards King of Prussia at 6:30. Normally, it would take 45 minutes for me to get there, but I was anticipating traffic.

It turns out there was no traffic at all, and the ride to Malvern was actually a very enjoyable one. The sun was just rising and the air was crisp, just what I needed to wake me up. Route 202 actually goes through a valley, so the trees lit up like fire as the rising sun hit the yellow and brown leaves. It was quite a sight to see.

So anyways, no traffic meant I actually got to Vanguard in 45 minutes, a whole 30 minutes before I was actually supposed to be there. After an extensive check-in process, the HR woman come in and asked for my transcript. Now, I left my transcript in my leather folder and didn't touch it until that very moment, but for some reason it was not in there. I told the lady that I did not have it but I would mail it to her later. Strike one.

7:45 am: More of my "competition" arrived. They came from all over the place, Delaware (there was a girl who was there that goes to UD, and she knows a lot of my friends...strange) Villanova, Notre Dame, UVA, even Arizona State. Vanguard flew people in from Arizona?! Man my chances are going down. Strike two.

8:30 am: Vanguard begins their presentation on the company and the Analyst/Client Engagement (ACE) program. Turns out they recruit 12 people for the program, 5 from returning internships, 3 internal hires, and then 4-5 external hires (which we all were). Great.

9am: 1st interview. I get a guy (I forget his name) from HR. I know these interviews are behavioral based, so my answers don't matter as much how I react to them and how well I bullshit the question. However for some reason, I had a lot of trouble with this interview. He was one of those strict, no joking around, "I'm gonna make you shit your pants" type of interviewers. No, I didn't shit my pants, but I'm pretty sure I didn't impress him. I don't know as much about finance about the other candidates, so I did the best I can. Strike three.

9:50am: Interview is over, I was one of the first people to finish, which is not good because well, the longer you talk to your interviewer, the more interested they are in you. I needed a break...

10:00am: 2nd interview. This time, I get a woman who is a team leader for some group in the finance department. She is much more easy-going, and a lot nicer as well. I don't know what it is, but I tend to interview better if it is a woman interviewing me. I guess I just talk better to women than men. I don't know. Anyways, I kill the interview. One of my best interviews to date (2nd to the Waddell & Reed interview).

11:00am: Interview is over. I'm the last person to finish the interview. Score one for me.

11:01am: No break time this time around. Now its time for the round-table discussion. How well can you defend your views? How well can you convince other people to see it your way? That's what they are testing with this exercise. So the group was split in half, so my round table had 5 other candidates waiting to talk about how the baby boomers were going to affect the financial services industry and how that affects Vanguard. I wait my turn, I hear what everybody else has to say. All they talk about is finance. Buy growth funds. Diversify. Annuities, pensions, 401k plans. Great. I don't know enough to talk about that stuff, so I go into a 5 minute talk about how technology plays a role in everything, including the financial services and how the baby boomers are not tech savvy and that poses a problem. I then start to tie what everybody said into my own idea. Genius (thanks Jarcy). Score another for Alan.

11:30am: Another presentation. Introduction to Vanguard, their values, stats, etc. Pretty boring if you ask me. All I could think of was lunch.

12:00pm: Lunch. Basically, lunch in an interview setting means another interview, and that's exactly what it was. Me and another candidate were seated with 2 staff members, and it felt like it was an interview. However, as the other candidate began to talk about finance and the job and work and stuff, I realize that lunch is supposed to be sort of a break from the job, and so I began to talk about leisurely stuff, such as the Eagles game (62 yd. FG ftw? wtf m8?) and I began to talk about travelling and all that good stuff. Unfortunately for me, nobody at my table watches sports. I then began to talk about my semester project in Comp Sci, and all of a sudden they become interested. Strange. Anyways, the food was really good. Stuffed chicken and rice. Yum.

1:00pm: More presentations. This time, about relationships and being able to establish a good client relationship. By far the most boring presentation of the day. That, combined with the food coma, and I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

1:30pm: Benefits presentation. This woke me up quick. Dental/health plans, year end bonus, raises. Love it. No mention of what the salary is though...

2:00pm: Old ACE program graduates and current ones come in to talk to us. They tell us what they think of it, what sucks about it, etc. When asked how good the salary is, they answered with an ambiguous "It's competitive" statement. I'll take their word for it.

2:30pm: End of the interview. We get a gift bag. In it contained a pen, t-shirt, travel mug, and business cards galore. Cool.

So overall, it was an amazing experience to be able to go to Vanguard and go through the interview process. Vanguard's "campus" (their word for office complex) is huge, and it definately seems like a nice place to work. The only thing I'm concerned about is the location. It's in the middle of nowhere, or so it seemed. I feel like the chances of me getting this job is slim, but I can only hope. We shall see in the near future.

I think I finally understand...

2006-10-21T01:16:00.000-04:00

So what do I have to do in the next 2 weeks?
-Software engineering exam
-Cognitive Science paper
-Vanguard 2nd interview
-Computer Networks exam
-Econometrics hw
-Cognitive Science exam
-Econometrics exam
-Java Programs
-Crap for my semester project

But you know what? It doesn't matter anymore.

As I said before, I have so much to look forward to after these 2 months. What I'm going through now is nothing compared to what I will be doing later.

This past week, I had an interview with Waddell & Reed, and investment company that's hiring financial advisors. I basically owned the interview, so much so that the recruiter gave me a 2nd interview on the spot. The job actually sounded interesting too. The thought of me helping people make money while I make money myself is something I can see myself doing for a while.

I also got a 2nd interview with Vanguard, the company I interviewed for last week. I got the call from them the same day I had the interview with Waddell & Reed. They wanted me to come in this Tuesday for the whole day. Now, usually Tuesdays are one of my busiest days (next to Thursdays), and so I told her Tuesdays were not good for me. She told me to check my schedule again and give her a call back later in the day. So I check my schedule, it turns out that on this VERY Tuesday, BOTH of my morning classes are cancelled, leaving my only class at 7pm. First off, the odds of having TWO classes cancelled on the same day is highly unlikely, so is it Fate? I'd like to think so. I was meant to go to this interview, and I can only imagine it happening for my benefit, whether I get the job or I learn that I'm not cut out for it.

Oh, is it also weird that one of my classes is being cancelled because the professor has jury duty? Remember when I had jury duty and I tried to get out of it, but went anyways and only had to stay there for 2 hours? This must be another reward for going in that day...

So yeah, I have a lot to look forward to. I think financial services is where I want to be. These interviews have made me realize that what I'm doing now is not going to matter in a few years. I think I can relate to those kids who have real jobs and don't pay attention to their school work. It just won't matter in a year. All I need is the degree, whatever it takes to get it. Whether its a C or an A, we're all going to graduate with the same piece of paper. Which kind of brings me to another random subject.

Computer Science majors, we suck at networking. No, not setting up routers and hacking people's computers networking, but actually talking to people, establishing a connection within companies so they have an opportunity when they graduate. All we do is sit in front of our computers and program. That is where I think I have the advantage over all the other people in my major. They may be better programmers than I am, but I feel like I'm a lot more well-rounded. It's probably why I hate my Computer Science now. I couldn't see myself sitting in a cube by myself hacking away at a program for the rest of my life. No interaction, no socializing, no connection to the real world. I don't like it.

So, yeah my final words are: Just do what you have to do.

The worst has past and the best has yet to come

2006-10-17T00:51:00.000-04:00

I'm a little angry at blogger right now. I wrote a blog last week but somehow it got deleted. In a fit of anger, I decided to boycott blogger for a full 7 days, but then decided that I need to speak my mind. And so here I am again, and maybe I'll touch a little bit on what I said last time.

So, as the title may suggest, my semester just about hit rock bottom last week. One hour before my group was suppose to make a presentation on our project, we met with the professor to go over some things. While meeting with him, he basically tore us a new one. Just about everything we've been doing up to that point has been wrong, and we need to approach the project in a completely new way. Wow. All that worrying, all that stress that I've been going through the first month of the semester was for NOTHING. It couldn't get any worse than that night...and luckily it hasn't.

Since then, we've picked up the pace. Our project is basically Mapquest for Newark, DE. It is going to be tough, but I feel like that meeting was for the best. My team is now focused, we know what we have to do and we are getting things done. For the first time, I don't have these dreams of not getting the project done and failing the course. I now have dreams of getting the program done, getting the praise of my professor and getting an A in the class.

Of course, there are a few things that keep me going this semester and thus caused my change in attitude. The support I've gotten from so many people is definitely the biggest factor. My parents have, to my surprise, given me more support this semester than I have ever gotten from them ever. My mom told me that my grades don't matter, that I just need to get the credits and move on. My dad told me that as long as I try my hardest, everything will turn out OK, and the grade will reflect your effort. That really means a lot to me.

My friends have also given me a lot of support, from the ones I expect it from to the ones I least expected it from. I don't think some of my friends know how much they've helped me, but its the little things that matter. I think the most important thing is that people have confidence in me, even when I don't have confidence in myself. Also, I think that my group members have confidence in me, and that is most important. My friends, my group members, they all believe that I can get through this, and it really keeps me motivated enough not to quit.

I keep thinking to myself, two months. Two more months and I'm free. My future is in two months. I'm already getting a taste for it. I've had two interviews so far (a third on Wednesday) and I'm excited. In two months, I will be able to forget all about Computer Science and do what I like to do. It's like comparative advantage, everybody does what they are good at, and everybody benefits. I'm not good at programming, so I won't do it. I'm good at helping people, so I will do that. Everybody benefits. It's great how basic microeconomics applies to everything in life.

Anyways, what was I saying? Yes, two months. In two months, I will be exchanging Christmas gifts with my closest friends. In two months, I will be planning a summer vacation with them. In two months, I will be playing basketball every Wednesday in a small gym for 2.5 hours. In two months, I will have a 12 credit semester for the spring. In two months, I may never have to program ever again. In two months, I will finally be able to relax and enjoy my last semester in college.

That's how I get by.

I'm in jail, I didn't pass go, and I don't have a get out of jail free card.

2006-10-01T02:43:00.000-04:00

It wasn't like I didn't have any clear indications that computer science was not my major. There were hints 2 years ago that I should have dropped...the constant hours of programming, the fact that programming simply was not as intuitive to me as my peers. I thought it was just the hardships of the major...that deep down I still liked computer science and I liked to program. I used to think that people who dropped computer science were weak, they couldn't deal with the pressure of being a computer scientist and how strong I was for sticking with it. I used to think people in "bullshit" majors were just in it because it was easy. But look at them. They are happy. They don't feel the pressure and stress that I do because they enjoy what they are doing. And for that, I respect them and their choice of majors and I feel sorry for myself for ever thinking that people choose easy majors just for the sake of being "easy".

As a result of my past naiveness, I feel like I've been in prison since for the past year or so. My life sucks right now. I feel like I'm alone, with the occasional visit from a friend or two, when we go out to the bars to relax, only to return to my solitary confinement the moment I wake up the next day. That is probably the worst part of my day, waking up and thinking about what I have to do for the day. It makes me want to sleep forever. I look at the other people around me who are "free". Free of worry, free of sadness and misery, and I envy them. I just want to get out of here, I feel like I can do anything and feel completely at peace. Whether its going back to ACS to collect or live in a rural village in China picking rice all day, as long as I'm at peace. And pretty much anything other than what I'm going through now will put me at peace.

However, time is the best cure for everything, and so I know in time I will get out of this "jail" and I will live life again without as much worry. Hopefully, I get out of this "jail" unscathed and will grow stronger as a result of it.

You know what's ironic? I had this topic of being in jail before the weekend, and when I went home for this weekend I got a summons for jury service. How strange...

See you when I'm out of the slammer.

edit: This is the truth. I think that moment has already passed me by. Click me.

Warning: Long rant below

2006-09-24T01:37:00.000-04:00

Before I begin...I would like to say that I witnessed a foot chase between a white dude and 2 cops right outside my window. The cop (who is black) said the white guy was stupid for running, and the white boy cries out "RACISM!!" SMFH @ white people HAHA we all know racism is a one way street. jk! jk!

Where do I begin? Never have I had so much stress, worried so much about a single semester than this one. Why? I don't know. Maybe its the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing for my very last computer science requirement course. Maybe its the fact that I am DONE in 9 months. Maybe its the fact that I hate computer science and I have no desire to do it anymore. Maybe its all of it?

Sure. It's my senior year in college. I'm supposed to be enjoying it right? No. This semester has by far been my worst semester since I've been here. I've been in school for a year now. I think for the first time in college, I've felt like a loner. Some of my closest friends have all graduated. Others have boyfriends/girlfriends. My friends that I could depend on to get me through my comp sci classes are no longer in any of my classes. I hate this feeling. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I've been so busy this semester to even worry about feeling alone. Between classes and work, I'm usually running around campus helping people, taking care of post-graduation stuff and just worrying about freaking graduating. I usually have about 2 hours a day to myself which I usually spend talking to people on AIM. How exciting! I've also developed this nasty habit of drinking a beer with my roomate every night just to chill out and calm down and going out to the bars on weekends to drink my sorrows away. As a result, I feel like I'm behind in all my classes.

But this post isn't going to be all depressing. I was meeting with a career advisor the other day and he was telling me all about some of the jobs I could get as an Econ major. He showed me a few job listings and as I read through them, I really started to get interested. I had been freaking out that morning (I usually wake up in a sense of panic and anxiety these days) but after reading some of those descriptions, I wasn't worrying. It gave me something to look forward to, if I could somehow just get past this semester, I could be helping people make money for the rest of my life. Cool. Later, I was talking to a friend who is in Finance, and we started talking about investing and how people make lots of money if invested correctly. We must have talked for an hour or so and I was genuinely interested, and I realized that this is what I want to do. Before, people would ask me what I want to do with my life, and my reply was always "I'll take it day by day". Now I finally have a purpose.

Going back to this semester, I was about 5 minutes and a few mouse clicks away from dropping Computer Science. I just couldn't deal with it, I have no interest in it anymore, I don't want to have it as my job when I get out, so why even have the degree? A minor would probably be best. But then I thought, if I drop now, my group is screwed, and I hate screwing people over. That, and it was too late to drop, and my only choice was to pass/fail the class and if I passed it I would have been angry for not keeping it as normal grading. So after deciding not to drop, I had to convince myself that I was going to pass this semester. Then I thought back to this past semester when I was having so much trouble with my comp sci class when I had contemplations of dropping and quitting the major, but yet I found a way to get through it. Yes, it sucked. I remember those weekends of programming, the 14 hour programming sessions in my friend's rooms the night before trying to finish. Last semester, I didn't know anything about C#. I didn't know (still don't really) java which made it even HARDER to learn C#, but I made it. Now, I'm in the same spot. I don't know anything about this UML/software engineering crap. But whatever it takes, I'm going to get through this. My group will get through this. This will not fail with me, nor will they let me fail.

I suck at life...I'm such a mess.

It shouldn't be like this.

2006-09-15T23:49:00.000-04:00

When I first decided to do this double major thing, I knew it was going to be hard. But I didn't think it was going to be THIS hard. It's been in school for a full year straight now, with 1-2 weeks of breaks every 3-4 months or so. I think it has finally hit me. I'm tired. I can't deal with these classes anymore. I just don't have the motivation. I just want to fast forward to June when I graduate and start the summer of Alan. That means doing nothing and relaxing with my favorite people.

Unfortunately, I did not find a magical remote control that can fast forward through life like Adam Sandler did. Now I'm faced with one of my most challenging semesters ever. Everything is coming together all at once and is ready to kick my ass and beat me down. It's the last test before they send me off to the "real world". Not only do I have to worry about my classes (which for some reason come with so much stress this semester, more about that later), I have other stuff I now need to worry about because, well I'm 9 months from the end. I have to talk to my advisors and make sure I have all my classes in order to graduate. I have to fix up my resume so I can find a job. I'm now a TA for some stupid CISC101 class which is just additional responsibility I need to deal with. I'm in 3 clubs which I have minimal job requirements but end up helping more than I should because some are young and inexperienced, which I don't mind, but I guess part of all the stress I'm dealing with is my fault. I'd like to think people can rely on me, that I'm not a slacker and that people can trust me to get the job done. I guess I take on too much and I get overwhelmed.

But usually, I have a support system to help me get through this kind of stuff. Friends that are usually in the same class as me and we program together to get shit done. Friends I can usually talk to when I just need a break. This semester, I think I'm lacking it. I don't know many people in the same class as me, and if I do they aren't in my group (probably because they know I'm a shitty programmer). My closest friends in college have either graduated or too busy with other things to listen to my problems. For the first time I actually feel like I'm going through this alone.

(This is turning out to be pretty long)

But somehow, even through all these adversities, I can see myself getting out of this jam. Like I said before...I've gone too far, it's too late to turn back now. It's either succeed and get 2 degrees or fail and accept that I tried my hardest. I didn't think I was going to make it past the spring, but I did. I don't think I can make it past the Fall, but somehow I will. My comp sci group will not want to fail either, and they will do whatever it takes to pass with me.

Also, I'm thinking of sending in a postsecret but I have no artistic skills.

September 11, 2006

2006-09-12T02:05:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it has been 5 years since that day. It has gone by so fast that its impact today is still almost as strong as it was on September 12, 2001. I felt like today was the day after 9/11. Everybody was in a somber mood, going about their business with no real effort or emotion, as if they were just going through the steps. Throughout the day I was constantly brought back to 9/11/01, and my vision of that day is still very clear in my head.

It was my junior year at Charter and it was 3rd period, which was a study hall for me. Every study hall I would go down to the library and cleverly find a way past the school proxy to play stupid flash games on the internet that were otherwise blocked. For some reason that day, I got bored of my games and returned to my usual study hall class in Mr. Biehl's room. When I walked into the room, everybody looked shocked and I heard the radio on. Mr. Biehl's room didn't have a TV, so when I heard that one of the World Trade Centers had been hit, I didn't make such a big deal about it. It wasn't until I went to my English class, where there was a TV, when I realized the magnitude of the situation. That was when I saw the 2nd tower get hit by a plane, and I knew at that time we were in trouble. I remember some of the students crying and frantically punching digits into their cell phone to find out information about their loved ones. I especially remember Jen Sun calling her dad in NYC to find out how he was doing. They let us out early that day, I remember the announcement coming moments after the last tower fell.

The bus ride home was full of crazy theories and speculation. "I heard there were 4 more planes that were highjacked" (we now know there were 2 others). "Yeah...I heard one was headed towards the nuclear power plant near us." (Nope.)

The rest of the day I spent glued to my TV at home. After 3-4 hours of watching the news on every single channel (just to see if I could get more info), I decided to go to 7-11 with a few friends of mine on bike. We bought the newspaper that just came out about the attack (I'm so pissed I don't have it anymore) and we just sat at a bench and read it. I remember looking up at the sky and seeing no airplanes at all flying. It was a perfectly clear day, there were no clouds at all, and basically the sky was completely blue with nothing but the sun in it. Usually, there are planes that pass through us to land at Philly, so they are lower than usual and are pretty loud, so not hearing anything was a change for us. I went home and we just watched more news all night. And that was my day.

Pretty eerie stuff. I was going to write more tonight, about what I'm going through and what I'm dealing with now, but as I was writing this I realized that what I'm feeling now doesn't mean shit compared to what September 11th brings to many people every year. It must suck to have a birthday on September 11th knowing that you could never really celebrate your birthday because of what happened in 2001 (sorry Matt and Gayle). So, I will save my bitching and complaining for tomorrow or another day and I will end this post by honoring those who lost their lives that day and that we should never forget what happened on September 11, 2001.

Updates

2006-09-03T01:46:00.000-04:00

Update of events in August:
-I managed to survive my summer sessions and actually got 3 A's for the summer. Go me.
-Went on a cruise 2 days after my last classes. It was really nice to relax for a week after 10 weeks of classes.
-Lost a total of $150 in the month of August due to gambling. Probably about the same in alcohol.
-Sandy and Emily came to visit DE for a weekend. Very awesome time hanging out with them again. Not sure how JQuon and I will survive this year but life goes on I suppose.
-I had this crazy dream the other week. It was one of those rare ones that I remember vividly, and so perhaps I will turn it into a story. Actually I had two, but I don't think I'll write a story about the second one...

And so here I am again at the beginning of yet another semester. It's been 12 straight months of classes with yet another 8 months left to go. The first week of classes started this past week and I'm feeling terribly unmotivated. Perhaps it is the senioritis, perhaps it is the non-stop classes. Whatever it is, it's not good. It's funny, if you read my post 3 years ago I talked about how much I wanted to go to college and now, I can't wait until I get out. Sure I will miss all the people and the freedom, but all these classes just...suck.

There's one other thing I have on my mind...but I'll save it for the right words.

The Frame: Part 1

2006-08-28T02:52:00.000-04:00

Well...I was in the middle of editing/revising my story until my laptop decided to crap out on me...thus losing everything I changed. Luckily, I have the original copy...so here is the 1st page of the story. It sucks, but whatever.

The old woman had been tempting us all day by leaving those rodents in the box. She kept us well fed, we had a nice bowl of food with a fresh bowl of water everyday, but that was the problem. We had it everyday. It’s like that with all species. I’ve seen the old woman’s young child, how sick she gets from eating that mushy, discolored blob for sustenance and how her eyes widen and twinkle with glee when she was fed a piece of candy. In our eyes, the rats were our candy. Every so often, the old woman would catch a bunch of these vermin somewhere outside the confines of our shelter with a special trap that would snap the neck of our villains. I suppose that is one thing we have in common with the enemy, the rats can't resist eating the cheese as much as we can't resist consuming them. Her old age did not allow her to catch many rats as she did during her youth, so the very sight of the box with so many rodents was quite a delight for all of us.

Before I knew, the sun had disappeared and the night fell upon our old and decrepit sanctuary. I remember a few times during the day wandering by a closet that was located in the back corner of the main room. The old woman violently deterred us from being near the closet for reasons unclear at the time. The old woman had always been very protective of the secrets hidden in the closet, sometimes even killing a feline for peering into the closet. I suppose curiosity does kill the cat after all.
The rest of the day’s events were unclear, but what I do know is when the sun gives way to the moon, the old woman would fall asleep; and before she retired to her bedroom she would feed us. The other cats and I crowded around the box with eager anticipation for the feast that lay ahead of us. She spoke to us in her language, something she would do often as if we were able to understand her, but we didn’t. However, there was something different about the tone of her voice that evening. It seemed very soothing and calm, as if she was trying to relax us and put us at ease. Perhaps it was the chaos and excitement that ensued when she set the box down before us. All of us were clawing at the box, kicking and scratching each other with our feet and licking the outside of the box. Only a thin layer of clear plastic separated us from our meal. How delicious they looked! The mound of rats rose to about eye level, hundreds of them, freshly slaughtered, bloated from all the cheese they had so foolishly eaten earlier in the day. Never had I seen so many that were so big!

The old woman began to serve the vermin to us individually, each time she muttered something to us in her incomprehensible language. I was the last one to receive the meal, and she spoke to me for quite a while she gently stroked my back. I courteously listened, but the rat in front of me was taunting me, begging to be eaten. How much longer must I wait?!

Finally, the old woman went upstairs to pass the night. I took my meal to the top of the table. I gazed down at my entrée with almost a sadistic grin. The time had come! The moon was shining brighter than normal that night. It shined almost as bright as the sun that day, and it looked as big as the sun too. I stared outward over the edge of the table. I could see many of the cats enjoying their meal. I began to eat mine slowly. I meticulously made an incision down the chest of the rat with a claw I sharpened for the very occasion. The redness of the flesh began to appear. Oh what a sight! Tom would have loved to been in my position. So many years Tom spent chasing Jerry around for that satisfaction of tasting the meat of his enemy, but alas! It is me who was lucky enough to taste victory!

We are not young anymore.

2006-08-07T00:37:00.000-04:00

I was at one of my friend's 21st birthday parties last night when I came to a realization. Here I was, sitting on a couch in a hot, dirty room with a bunch of drunk half naked white boys (I was pretty drunk too, of course) while I'm watching the old school Nick Arcade. I remember watching that when I was younger, how awesome I thought it was to actually be INSIDE a video game! So when I was belligerently yelling at the television set (the stupid kid couldn't save the humans from being abducted by UFOs!), I realized there was something wrong about watching a kid's show while drinking alcohol. It was at that moment that turning 21 actually hit me. Next year, I'll be working for the next 40 years. I'll have to worry about paying my mortgage, my taxes, etc, etc. Whatever happened to our innocence? Whatever happened to worrying about what team was going to win in Legends of the Hidden Temple (go silver snakes!)? I feel as if I have grown up so fast, where has the time gone? What have I done with my life? Lebron is my age and he's a freaking superstar. Sharapova is a world class tennis player and is 3 years younger than me. Yes, I know. 1 in a million(even 100 million) will ever gain the success that they have, but what have I done? I go to UD. My GPA is a mediocre 3.1. I'm not extraordinary at anything. Whatever...next topic.

So continuing on this theme of adulthood and the loss of innocence, I went to a BBQ with a few Vietnamese people today and we were talking about getting married. I think about all the people I know who are in a serious relationship or engaged/married and once again I think to myself, "Where the hell have I been?" I haven't even been with many girls EVER and there are people my age (and younger) who are locked in a serious relationship. Dude, I'm 21! My mom had me when she was 22. People my age are going to be getting married within 5 years! Me? I haven't had a real relationship, ever. We came to the conclusion that you have to take your chances. If one meets a girl/guy they are interested in, they have to go for it, whether they are "just friends" or not, because you never know. The next time you see them, they could have a ring on their left hand.

Depressing, isn't it?

Announcement!

2006-07-14T00:51:00.000-04:00

This class I'm taking the 2nd semester (ENGL210: Short Story) has seriously made me think about writing short stories again. Perhaps I will transfer all the time I spend playing Warcraft and concentrate on writing a decent short story. I wonder if people will still call me a loser if I write stories instead of play Warcraft. I mean both are just activities that take up the same amount of time, right?

edit: I have decided what I'm going to write about. Part of the idea came from an article my short story teacher keeps talking about and part of the idea came from Tiffany. We shall see how this goes. In fact...I think I have already come up with the first couple lines of the story.

Our master had been tempting us all day by leaving that rodent in the trap. I suppose that is one thing we have in common with the enemy, the rats can't resist eating the cheese and much as we can't resist consuming them.

edit2: I'm half way done my story. I'll give you the 1st couple of lines from the 2nd page.

I spit it out in disgust and began to examine it more closely. I could have sworn I saw the flesh blink! I licked my paws and wiped the blood of the hard part of what I thought was meat. What I saw sent chills down my spine. No! It can’t be!

edit3 (7/21): It's done! I finished writing the story entitled "The Frame". A few edits/revisions and it will be posted on my blog. For now...here's an excerpt from page 3.

The pain was sharp but the adrenaline made the pain subside rather quickly and I was able to shake them off with ease. Soon, I found it hard to keep my balance. The floor had become slippery with the blood spilt by rats and cats alike.

edit4 (7/25): I sent the story out to my beta testers for review. Another excerpt from page 4.

I had reached the far end of the room when I observed that the closet door had a slight opening. This was the same closet that was always shut tight, the one that the master would kill to keep the contents a secret. Curiously, I poked my head into the closet. I was met with a wall of stench that knocked me back a few steps. What I saw in the closet was even more appalling.

Open your eyes

2006-07-09T01:44:00.000-04:00

(Forgive me if my writing sucks...I've been writing all day.)

Open up your eyes.

Life is not static. Things will not always be the way you plan it to be. How do you get ahead then? It's like in basketball. A team will run a play once or twice and it will work. The third time, the defense is waiting. They know what you are going to do. What are YOU going to do? How are YOU going to reach your goal? Are you just going to do what you did before? Of course not. That's disaster. The defense will steal the ball from you! So what do you do? You improvise. You adapt. Look at your surroundings, your environment and you make the best possible decision at that time. So next time life gives you lemons, try not making lemonade with it, try squirting the lemon juice in the eyes of the person that gave it to you. (WHAT??? I SHOULD STOP WRITING)

Open up your eyes.

Have you ever known someone who was going out with another person and thought to yourself "Wow...s/he could have done so much better." THEN, have you ever thought "Wow...I'd treat him/her so much better." AND THEN, when you finally have the courage to let your feelings be known, you get the "You are just a friend." line? I'm sorry, but since were friends not allowed to develop into relationships? Chandler and Monica turned out ok didn't they? People need to OPEN THEIR EYES and stop being so close minded. What if the man/woman of your dreams were right in front of you but you won't give them a chance since they are the nice guy or the nice girl?

Open up your eyes.

Things happen for a reason. Even the bad things. They are there to test and broaden your boundaries. If everybody had a life without misfortune, we'd be carefree and comfortable, yet life would be kind of boring wouldn't you think? Our failures and the rough patches in our lives will make us grow stronger. There is no point in dwelling from our mistakes because we cannot change what happened. What we should do is not to look back with regret but to look back and learn from what we did wrong because it is failure that teaches us success.

The coolest invention ever!

2006-06-19T00:47:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen the Staples commercial with the Easy Button? Imagine if you had a super cool PARTY button, where you could just push a button and turn your room into a rave?

You know what I would want (besides the party button)?

Ctrl+Z, Ctrl+C, and Ctrl+V

Yeah go ahead, flame me and call me a computer geek, but think about it. It's like that remote from that dumb movie Click. What if life had a Ctrl+Z shortcut? Any false move could just be "undone" and redone again. For example, I'll use today's example of when I was coming home from Boston. Jarcy, Jen, and I had just arrived at NYC and we were walking to the other bus stop so we could catch the bus back to Philly. Jarcy and I were one of the last ones on the bus, so there was limited spacing. Jarcy finds a seat and I was about to get a window seat but the stupid Chinese bus lady says "you sit here!" as she points to the very last row that's in the middle of the aisle next to the stank ass bathroom. So I'm like, OK, it can't be too bad. WRONG. As we leave the city, I notice that it was REALLY hot on the bus, and everybody around me was sweating. I reach up to feel the vent and nothing is coming out. Apperently the air conditioning was broken in the back of the bus, and so everybody from about the 10th row back was sweating. However, I had an even bigger issue. Not only was I sitting next to the bathroom on a hot bus, the air conditioning unit was directly below my seat was overheating, heating up the bottom of my seat, making it doubly hot, with a putrid smell coming from the bathroom that was only seperated by a 4 inch wall from my face.

In that certain situation, the Ctrl+Z option would have come in handy. I would have hit Ctrl+Z and sat down in the window seat, or Jarcy and I would have gotten on the bus that was coming 15 minutes later.

The Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V combination is essential for obvious reasons. I'll give you an example for this past weekend, although the combo needs no explanation. This weekend in Boston was incredibly fun. I finally got to put a face to the names of all of Tiffany's friends that she keeps on talking about, as well as witness things I have never before witnessed. Good times, good food (Brazilian BBQ mmmmmmm), and good stories would be perfect for a copy + paste.

Of course, there is a very good chance that one could OD. I've never seen Click, but I'm sure at the end there was something about Adam Sandler realizing that he shouldn't use the controller too often. Things happen for a reason. We can't be going around changing the past, though every once in a while wouldn't hurt, would it?

Is it worth it?

2006-06-13T00:37:00.000-04:00

Currently month 10 of 20 straight months of straight school

I'm half way through. Amazing.

Summer is going by ok, I suppose. Right now I'm taking 2 courses, an Anthropology course on Human Nature and a U.S. History class. Each class is 90 minutes long, and I have each class every day for 5 weeks. Then I get a 3 day break until the second summer session starts when I take a Short Story class and a World History class for yet another 5 weeks. Then I get 2 weeks off before I start the Fall semester again.

I'm tired. It's only the 2nd week of summer session. I have 9 more weeks of this shit to go. Every night I have so much reading to do. I just finished a 3 page paper and I haven't even started doing my reading for Anthro yet. I don't want to. These classes are awfully boring. Nobody is around Newark for the summer. It's rather depressing. I went to Shaggy's last week and there was probably 20 people there total. I could have done a cartwheel if I wanted to. Any other day during the year it would have taken me 10 minutes to get to the bathroom.

So why should I subject myself to such circumstances? Why didn't I just stay at home and work and make money this summer? Why should I put that much more stress on myself? So I can graduate with all my friends next May? Do I really want to get out of college that early? My tuition for the summer is the same as an extra fall semester, so what's the big rush? College is a hell of a lot more fun than the real world and DEFINATELY more exciting in the fall than in the summer. Also, its a lot less rushed and less stress, so why go through it?

WHY DAMMIT?

As for other stuff, we (Redbulls) won our first game this past Saturday by a blowout margin, 60-something to 20-something. Too bad they were terrible. And too bad I was awful that game. 2 points, a few rebounds, a couple of steals. 3 or 4 airballs. Ughh. Next week we're playing against the rival Astonians, however, I will be unable to attend.

Why?

I'll be making my 2nd visit to Boston for Tiffany's 21st with Jarcy and Jennifer. Effectively a much needed vacation with a few of my closest friends in a nice city. As much as I'd love to be playing ball for the Redbulls, I need to get away from DE for a bit. Clear my head or something. Whatever it is, Boston will be "wicked" fun. I can't wait!

Though, I would be missing the Vanilla Ice concert at Kahunaville on Sat. What a shame...speaking of Kahunaville....HAHAHHAAHA. (I'd rather not explain here)

Final note: I got a pretty cool fortune in my fortune cookie today. I think it's true. It read "Your greatest asset is not the quantity of your friends, rather the quality of your friends."

Interesting...I guess my friends are awesome!

A pretty morbid entry.

2006-05-27T03:31:00.000-04:00

Month number 9 of 24 straight months of classes.

Well...I made it. I survived. The spring semester of my junior year is complete. There was so much adversity this semester, both academically and socially, and all of it has made me grow up in a hurry. And it has actually got me thinking...

Yes, this semester was very hard for me, and yes I did learn a lot about myself this semester, and yes I did grow up a lot. But that means I've changed. I hate change. I feel like a completely different person, and I don't know if I like it. I don't know if the people closest to me like it. I feel like I'm always angry at someone, and then I lash out and act like an asshole. I was always the nice guy, but now I feel like I'm not. Is this good for me? For you? I don't know!

And now, I'm a senior. I can't believe it. The past 3 years have gone by so quickly. It seems like yesterday when I packed that blue van of mine and left my house for UD. Yesterday I was on a bus to Boston in -4 degree weather to visit one of my closest friends. And now, here I am, a senior in college, with no CLUE what I'm doing, what I want to do, and where I want to go.

But for the seniors of the present, congratulations for making it through. I wish you all luck in your future endeavors and I hope that some of you keep in touch(yay for AIM!) and don't forget me, because you really are important to me. You guys will be sorely missed.

In a completely random thought, the fortune I got in my fortune cookie the other day read "You will have a romantic evening tonight." Yes, I'm still waiting for that evening. Though, I may have an explanation for that. If you have noticed, I have NEVER said I have a best friend, and my explanation to people is that I don't believe in best friends. My prior "best friends" don't even talk to me anymore, they don't even remember me, or they are dead. However, when I said I don't believe in a best friend (notice singular, best is implicitly singular, so when people introduce others as "one of their best friends", I laugh), its not really the truth. I do believe in a best friend, but my definition of a best friend is a female, namely, a wife. So, when I am interested in a girl, I take the friend approach. I need to make sure that this girl is completely right for me before I make any steps. By then, I'm already placed on the friend's ladder and thus, when I finally do make a move, its "awkward". I hate it. Maybe I should change my dating habits. My pickiness is giving me negative game. Maybe lower my standards? That's just being desperate. I'm going to do me. Maybe I will meet a girl who thinks like me and we will become best friends. Although, sometimes I feel like our paths have already crossed.

Anyhow, as a summery, I have no idea who I am, who I want to be, or what I will become. My biggest fear is starting to come true. How am I going to fix this?

The next change in my life: Move on quicker. I keep telling myself "don't dwell in the past", and I know its not good but I do it ALL the time. I always wish I was back in Singapore, but I'm not. Life is not static. We all move forward. Fate has brought change because it is for the better. I need to accept this.

Next year will bring new challenges, new people, and new adversities. I hope I'm ready.

What do you know about me?

2006-05-15T01:34:00.000-04:00

Ignore the blog I wrote before...I was just blowing off steam.

You think you know me? Which of these statements is true and which are false?

1) My middle name is Luan.
2) My favorite color is green.
3) I lived in Singapore for one year.
4) I've had 2 girlfriends in my lifetime.
5) I don't have a best friend.
6) I've had 2 near death experiences.
7) Red polka dots freak me out.
8) My biggest pet peeve is tardiness.
9) I'm allergic to grass.
10) My favorite food is Thai, even more so than Vietnamese.
11) I'm a 2nd degree black belt in Taekwondo.
12) I was 32-19 in tennis matches in high school.
13) I've never smoked one cigarette in my entire life.
14) I was once hit on by a gay dude.
15) I didn't know what Abercrombie and Fitch was until about the year 2000.
16) I was once stopped by the police because I was confused as a murderer.
17) My biggest fear is being alone in the world.
18) I've been to over 20 different countries in 4 continents.
19) Of all the people I know, there are only 3 people I am comfortable telling them anything.
20) My first screen name was hotice5000.
21) I like Asian girls, but I can't stand Asian porn.
22) I can't stand MOST white girls.
23) I've never worked outside of a bank.
24) I wish I could play the piano.
25) I didn't know how the rules of tennis until high school.

If you knew me, you'd know the answer to all of them.

Trust

2006-05-13T02:41:00.000-04:00

I just spent the last 15 minutes coming up with this clever introduction into this blog post but then I realized that I'm just a little too annoyed to be thinking too much and I'm going to come out and say what's on my mind.

I thought I had my trust issues with people taken care of, but over the past couple of months I have been getting that feeling again. I feel like I always have to keep my guard up, watch what I say to and around people. I feel like my wall has been put back up and I'm crawling back into that state where I'm just a loner. I don't want to talk to people anymore because some people can't be trusted with the privacy of the conversations I have with them.

Trust. THE MOST important part of a friendship is TRUST. It is my #1 priority to make sure that my friends trust me and have the confidence to come talk to me about whatever they need and know that whatever they tell me stays with me and only me. Thus, when I tell somebody something, I would hope that it is THEIR #1 priority that whatever I tell them stays with them, and only them. If there is no trust, how could there be any communication and thus, how could there be any relationship?

Trust. This is part of the problem between me and my mother. She talks too much. I hear her talk on the phone about gossip between her other friends. I'm afraid she will talk to her friends about me. This is why I don't tell her anything.

Trust. This is why I'm known as "the quiet one" or the "stoic one". This is why my mind is forgotten. Because I don't like to talk about other people's issues. Gossip sucks. I learned that the hard way this semester. Information spreads like wildfire. You think you can tell ONE person who you thought you could trust and pretty soon the entire community knows. Makes me want to go back to the old, "loser" Alan Nguyen of high school.

Trust. Probably the most important trait I find in a human being. If I can't trust you, you can't, and won't, be my friend. And if you do consider me as your friend, I hold it as the highest honor/compliment, and I hope that you will trust me and have the confidence to come talk to me about whatever it is you want to talk about. And if I somehow manage to screw up your trust in me, I didn't mean it to happen and I would understand if you never talked to me again.

One staggering fact about me: Of all the people I know, there are only 3 people who I feel I can talk to about anything. Perhaps my biggest fear will come true...

Somewhere I Belong

2006-05-03T01:07:00.000-04:00

When people in Delaware ask me why I love Singapore so much, they never understand. "It's such a small country" or "I hear you can't chew gum there or they whip you" or "How could you like any other country besides the States?"

The answer is very simple to me. The answer I have probably won't make sense to most people. But it doesn't matter. All I know is at some point I will live in Singapore again.

I'll tell you my story. Maybe you can figure out why I loved it so much. Maybe somebody will finally understand what that tiny island means to me. Maybe some day, one day, I will take someone with me to Singapore and I will show them what it means to me.

It was midnight when I arrived in Singapore for the first time. As soon as I stepped off the plane I knew it would not be a good summer. It was muggy, humid, and extremely hot. About an hour later, I arrived at my condominium where I was going to live for a year. It was small and compacted, a great contrast from my home back in Delaware. To make matters even worse, none of my belongings had arrived yet. At that time I thought living in Singapore would be the worst experience of my life.

In Singapore, I went to an American school. The curriculum was exactly the same as in the United States, except the school is much more lavish than public schools. There was a Burger King and a Domino’s in the cafeteria for lunch. There were four pools in the school, as well as a stadium for sporting events. My class field trip was to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It was by far, the BEST school I have ever gone to, I'd put it right up there with the University of Delaware.

I used Singapore’s excellent transportation system frequently. I could go anywhere in the country for less than three dollars. Quick and easy access to such places as major strip malls, arcades, and movie theaters made me more outgoing. Every weekend, my friends and I would go to each other’s house, play video games, and then go to Taco Bell, our favorite hang out. My weekends in Singapore were much more exciting than my weekends in Delaware because I never had to worry about transportation, and there was always something to do.

The local Singaporeans consisted of three races: the Malay, the Chinese, and the Indians. Singapore gave me the opportunity to learn of all three of these cultures. For the first time, I experienced a true Chinese New Year celebration. This blending of cultures was truly an experience that could not be witnessed anywhere else in the world.

Leaving Singapore was one of the hardest things I had to do. I had to leave behind the new friends I made, the sites I saw, and the country I called home for a whole year. Singapore was much more than a “vacation.” It was about growth, understanding, and appreciation. It made me the individual that I am today.

If I could relive a moment...

2006-04-16T22:45:00.000-04:00

Imagine you were Ashton Kutcher in the Butterfly effect...

If you had the ability to go back in time and relive a single moment in your life one more time, would you do it? And if you would do it, would you change what happened?

Before I get to my answer, I must say that football kind of hurts, especially if you are running around all day trying to dodge AZN viet kids from the city who are bigger than you. To name a few of my injuries from today: a cut elbow from sliding on dirt which will most likely get infected, a bruised upper right ass cheek, 2 bummed knees, my left shoulder/bicep feels really weak, and reaggrevated my left ankle. But its all in good fun.

Back to the question:

There's no doubt in my mind that if I could relive one moment in my life I would definately do it. Choosing which one, however, would be tough. There are so many moments I would love to revisit, but, come to think of it, why would you want to? What good could possibly come from reliving that one moment in your life, and then reverting back to the present? Just for the same feeling you had at the time? Would it be any beneficial to you now? Probably not. You'd probably snap back to the present with an even bigger yearning to return to that moment. Though, I talked to someone earlier about this, and this person would relive a vague moment to remember it more clearly. Makes sense...

Funny, Staind's "It's Been a While" just came up on my playlist that I have on random...

Now for the other question...

What if you changed it somehow for it to be beneficial to you in the "future" (meaning you'd change what you did in the past to benefit you NOW). That would seem pretty nice huh? Boy, did Ashton screw up in the Butterfly Effect. One day he's laying in bed with the hottest sorority girl on campus but realizes something else is screwed up, so he goes back to fix the problem and all of a sudden that girl is coke addict whore. So he goes back to un-whore her and he's missing his arms.

Point is, there are times in this world where you will regret your actions or non actions. What if I didn't move back to the US from Singapore? What if I made that final shot? What if I didn't make that stupid bet with my friend in high school to see who could take that girl to prom? What if I hooked up with that girl? What if I didn't hook up with that other girl? Whatever it is, I'm confident whatever happens in your life was for the best possible outcome. Look at me now. Singapore totally shaped the way I am today, I have quite possibly the closest friends I have ever had since the Singapore days, and I'm still single ;)

That being said, after writing this post I have decided that the single moment I wish to relive would be the one year I spent in Singapore. I still don't think people understand why I enjoyed it so much there, but I guess you just had to be there. I wish I could take all the doubters to Singapore for 2 weeks just to show them. All this talk of Singapore is making me nostalgic. Perhaps a Singapore blog next...

Fighting words

2006-04-06T23:09:00.000-04:00

Currently on month 8 of 22 straight months of school/classes.

I should probably forfeit.
But I won't. That's the easy way out.

Fight it out like a man, either go down with the ship or reap the benefits.

In other words:

Programming sucks. I freaking hate it. But I'm not going to quit now. I've gone too far, gone too deep to back out. I'm pot-committed. I've put too much time, effort, and money to just walk away and gain nothing from it. So, I'm going to stick it out, I have 4 more classes to go (that's if I can get through the 2 I have this semester) and I'm just going to try to do whatever I can to get past. And if I fail, so be it, I'll accept defeat. But if I pass and graduate with 2 degrees...

Maybe next post I will compile all of my past blogs about how much I hate Comp Sci. Hey, I'm still here aren't I?
(edit 4/10: I managed to finish my program and so here's the list:)
May 1, 2005
June 29, 2005
July 6, 2005
August 1, 2005
September 26, 2005
February 16, 2006
Februrary 28, 2006

Though, the other night, I really did find something I enjoyed doing. I enjoy spreading my frugalness onto other people. Yes, I enjoy helping other people save money. And I enjoy spending their money as well. Just ask the Suns. I helped them purchase 2 laptops, saved them almost $1500. It was pretty fun helping them. So if you need help/advice on what something you want to buy (especially electronics), let me know.

I wish I could make a career out of it...

Back to the battle!

Remember, Remember

2006-03-20T01:24:00.000-05:00

Remember, Remember the 5th of November.
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

I just saw V for Vendetta this past weekend, and I must say, it was one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Basically, its 2020 and England is being run by a Fascist, totalitarian government. The anti-hero, V, uses terroristic tatics against the government (just like the government used terror to control its people) to start a revolution. I would go into more detail why I enjoyed this movie so much, but we can talk about that later. Anyways, after watching the movie, it made me wonder why Fascism or dictatorships rarely work out.

One explanation I could come up with was the fact that nobody likes to be treated as inferiors. Sure, they are the government, sure there needs to be rules so all chaos doesn't break loose, but when your goverment starts treating you like a kid, that's when people get angry. Nobody wants to have a curfew, nobody wants to be told how they can dress, or what to believe in. It seems as if there is a loss of uniqueness, no progress can be made because innovation is limited by the oppresive government. That is why V wears that silly (yet a little creepy) "scream" looking mask. He symbolizes individualism, freedom, uniqueness, etc. This is also why millions of people went to see the Parliament house blow up in those masks, then after it was blown up, everybody took off their mask to reveal their indivuduality.

So deep...

But V is a terrorist for crying out loud. He blows up 2 of London's most famous buildings! But is a government who controls its people through fear morally more correct? In a world ruled by violence, why not use violence to overcome it? Wasn't the Boston Tea Party an act of terrorism? When does terrorism become heroism?

V for Vietnam!

New topic...

Let's take a trip down memory lane, back to a blog I wrote on December 31st, 2005, where I vowed to stop relying on my blog so much to get a point across. Well, its been hard for me, but I think its a good thing that people don't find out that I'm angry through my blogs. I used to think that maybe people would get the idea if they read what I felt, but I'm starting to realize that people really need to hear what I have to say. I guess it helps them out more. I guess it helps me out too, so I have instant feedback of what they were thinking.

So yeah...this blog will probably be less ranting, and more of other stuff. Probably more ranting though :)

Randomness

2006-03-11T01:41:00.000-05:00

EDIT: 3/12/06 2:22 am
I will never truely understand the logic and reasoning behind the actions of others. All I know is that I have to acknowledge that some people do not think like me. However, in a way they do kind of think like me because they feel as if they're action is the right way to do things. And who am I to tell them what is right and what is wrong?

From now on, I'm not going to concern myself with how others act. I'm just going to focus on what I do. I'm tired of getting pissed off and feeling embarassed by another person's actions. This also means that I'm going to stop relying so much on other people. Why should what I want to do be affected by someone else?

Basically what this means is, I'm not going to wait around for other people to decide how my night is going to go. I will decide how my night goes. And if I can't get a hold of who someone when I make my plans, they just won't be in them, even if we've made "plans" a week in advance, because what you told me a week ago means nothing to me because things change.

And I'm not a spontaneous type of person. Don't call me up 30 minutes before and tell me your plans and expect me to change mine.

Sounds like a rant now...but I thought I'd get that off my chest. I'll save the rest of what I have to say for a formal rant in a future post.

In something completely unrelated...

I did manage to finish my program before it was due. Spent about 24 of my 72 hours last weekend programming to get it finished, but it sure did feel good to finish. Before I had this jubilation when I finished a program, now I'm just glad its over. I still hate programming. But I was correct, all thoughts about auditing the class and dropping the major all went out the window.

Hooray for another program due in 3 weeks!

And another random thought...

What is love? (Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.)
But seriously, what is it? The word seems to be tossed around so much that I don't think people actually know what it means anymore. I mean, is there any difference between the "love" between two people and the "love" one has for basketball or football? What about the "love" for Italian food as opposed to the "love" of a movie?

It's much too late to go into any more detail...

Stressin

2006-02-28T21:02:00.000-05:00

I have a big ass project due in 5 days. I have NO clue what I'm doing. I've been stuck on the same part for the last 4 days. The teacher is nowhere to be found. I was suppose to meet with him on Monday for help but he cancelled class and couldn't make it. Everybody I've talked to either hasn't started, or is having trouble, or is completely done and when they explain what I have to do I get even more confused.

Computer science sucks. Or maybe I just suck at it. Either way, I just want the next 5 days to be over with. Maybe once this project is over, I won't have these thoughts of auditing the class or dropping the major after 3 years of going through this. I can't imagine what the next couple of days will be like as the deadline becomes closer and I become increasingly more clueless and frustrated.

Hopefully tomorrow's meeting with my professor will be productive.

lifeGame--;

2006-02-16T00:36:00.000-05:00

A ranting post, I rant about the same stuff at the beginning of every semester. Here we go again...

So, tonight I came to a revelation. Hmm...maybe more like an old feeling resurfaced. I realized that I am graduating in 15 months. What the hell am I going to be doing for the next 50 years? I feel like I have no real passion for anything. I go to my Computer Science classes, and I zone out for the whole class, right in the middle of the professor explaining a huge program. I was just so uninterested in hearing what he had to say. If I can't focus on programming for 90 minutes, how the hell am I going to do it for the next 50 years?

I look around my class, and I notice everybody seems like they understand it, they talk about ways to write this program while I'm stuck trying to figure out what the hell I need to do. I really do suck at programming, I usually have no clue how to start one, and I usually can't figure out what I need to do until someone gives me a hint or something. That really pisses me off that I can't do it by myself, even though I should be able to. Even the simplest of programs, like making a class, I can't figure out unless someone starts it for me.

I came to the conclusion that I should probably add another major in the summer, I almost had a feeling that I'd get sick of Computer Science and needed something to fall back on. So I chose to change my Economics minor to a major. And now, in my 2nd semester of Econ courses, I realized that I suck at Econ too. I am 2 years behind. I'm taking sophomore level classes, I should be understanding the material. But I'm not. Basic statistics, I don't understand. It's really annoying to have no clue about what's going on in a class and looking at your peers and seeing their understanding of the material. Those fools will be getting a job over me simply because I have no idea what I'm talking about in anything I thought I enjoyed to study.

All this got me on thoughts of the future.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be 25 years old. I always thought that was the coolest age. I'd be out of college, I'd have a wife, and I'd have this kick ass job . Now when I think about it, it's only 4 years away. I'm struggling to find what I want to do with my degrees, or if I even want them at all.

Sometimes I wonder what my future wife is doing at the moment. I really believe that there is a person for everyone, I mean look around. The biggest douchebags and assholes landing hot girlfriends, high maintenance girls with no personalities managing to snatch good guys, complete idiots with no sense of logic together with someone with so much class. That's how I know there's someone out there for me, even though she has not surfaced yet. But sometimes I wonder if I've already met my wife, like I bumped into her on the street or something.

Ugh I have so much to say, but I'll keep it to myself.

Let it do what it do

2006-01-15T00:02:00.000-05:00

If you are thinking to yourself "Oh man its another one of Alan's blog entries" and if you think I do this just for the sake of keeping a journal, I don't think you should stop reading this post or any other post I write.

It's like someone who works in the cameras section at Best Buy and can't even explain to me what a "megapixel" is except that the more you have is better. If you don't know why I continually write in this blog, then you shouldn't be reading it.

For me this blog is the only way I know how to communicate with people, as strange as that may seem. This isn't a regular "journal" if you will, one where I go through my day talking about my day, because quite frankly that's kind of boring. This is the only place where I can say what I want freely, say everything I want to say without leaving anything out, because I have that problem of leaving things out when I talk in person. Writing has always been my outlet since I find it hard to find someone I can actually talk to about anything and everything. In other words, the paper is always there to listen to me, and its always going to listen, and its never going to talk back.

I shouldn't even have to explain myself. You shouldn't even be reading this entry. This shouldn't even be an issue but it is. Some people don't take what I write seriously. And you don't have to, but if you don't like what I write, if you don't understand why I say what I say, don't read my blog anymore. Don't talk about my blog anymore.

This ain't a game, son.

Let me take that back...

2006-01-02T02:26:00.001-05:00

And now, a day after I said I would stop relying on blog entries as a means to communicate my thoughts, I have realized that it is almost impossible for me to stop writing about what is on my mind. It is pretty much my only outlet. And so, a day after making my resolution to not rely on blogging so much, I take it back, knowing full well I will be blogging for the rest of my life.

I say this because I have more to say.

As for my "rant" the other night, they came home today. They looked at my cheeks, my dad tells me "Your cheeks aren't swollen anymore!" Exactly as I had stated before. Then a couple hours later, he calls me down to the basement to help him put up dry wall. I mutter to myself that I can't help since my jaw is swollen, but my dad ignores it. I suppose its ok for me to put up dry wall and carry it from the store to the car to the basement is ok, but snowboarding down a hill is too dangerous. Makes sense.

On a completely different subject (actually there is a subtle transition)

I remember one time in the past where my biggest fear was to be without friends. To have nobody to talk to or to rely on. And in a way, I'm kind of living that fear right now, and to tell you the truth, I'm almost at a point where I DON'T want any friends. Sure, I know a lot of people, I talk to a lot of people, some my even consider me as a "friend". But in reality, I'm not their friend. It's funny how people will betray your trust just to get ahead, to use you as a means to an end. One shouldn't "pass their load" to their "friends", sit there and watch them pull your weight as well as theirs, then take the credit just so they could reap the benefits. There is no reason why someone should lie to their "friends" just so they can have a random hookup, or doesn't tell you everything just to get a little extra cash, or leaves you out in the cold to please their other friends, even though you thought you've known them longer and were closer to them.

Dictionary.com defines a friend as "A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts." and " A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade". My question is, how can you be a trustworthy person if you pull shit like this off to your friends? TO YOUR FRIENDS OF ALL PEOPLE. The people who believe in you and trust you, the ones who rely on you when they are in a struggle? All for what? For your self-glorification? To make you feel better about yourself? Whatever, what goes around comes around. Karma. Yin and Yang. Whatever.

Trust me, I don't need you as much as you need me.

You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you
You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

New Year's Resolution

2005-12-31T01:53:00.000-05:00

Let me first say for the record that me and Jennifer Sun are NOT going out, I'm not trying to "holler", and I do not see us going out in the future. Reason? It's quite simple, we're related, she's my sister. O'hana. So, in case you were wondering, there's your answer. Thought I'd clear that up with all the rumors and whispering I've been hearing lately.

One long ass entry coming up...

Every year I say I'm going to really work on my New Year's resolution, but it always seems to fall apart. For example, last year my resolution was to stop using profanities, and it went well for a while, then it kind of just fell apart some time in October. Not bad, if I do say so myself.

And now for my 2006 New Year's resolution...*drumroll please*

I'm going to stop relying so much on blogs to get my point across.

20 years now I've let my emotions build up inside me. Me? I'm too nice of a guy to tell someone to their face how I feel. So I write everything down, a way of venting I suppose. I don't think that it's good for me to bottle up like that, so from now on, I'm just going to tell people right then how I feel. Whether they are my friend or not, and if I so happen to lose a friend, so be it. The forgotten mind will no longer be forgotten.

That said, I do have one thing that has been killing me the past few weeks.

You know how every 18 year old kid that just graduated from high school is looking forward to going to college because they will have that new found freedom that they never had before? For me, the first day of college was the day I had looked forward to since I realized how strict my parents were. I'm out of the house, I thought to myself, and they can't tell me what to do anymore. Now, being 20 (almost 21), and after 3 years of college, I've realized that NOTHING has changed with them. They are the same strict, selfish parents who cannot say the word "yes", the same people that once told me that I wasn't allowed to leave the house after sunset because "that's when freaks come out".

They say they make their decisions for my own good. Who are they to determine what is good for me? It's not like I'm 13 years old, I think I'm old enough to make my own decisions now. What decisions do they give me now? I get to choose when I go to bed! (something they didn't let me do until I was 18). I get to choose my major! I even get to choose who I can be friends with! Other than that, there isn't much slack.

Is it any surprise that I have to lie to my parents just so I can go to the movies with my friends at 9pm? I hate to lie, and I don't lie to anybody but them, but what can I do? I don't want it to be like this, but with dominating parents like mine who won't let you drive past 11pm because of "the roads are full of drunk drivers" I have no choice. And to tell you the truth, I don't even feel guilty about it, because in the past it was my parents LYING TO ME to get what they wanted. My parents told me I could transfer out of Charter if I didn't like it the first year I came, and then when I asked to be transferred back to Concord, what did they say? "Sorry son, we lied to you. You are staying at Charter. We only said that so you would stop complaining." They didn't even ask me if I wanted to go to Charter! And now, when I want to go snowboarding, they tell me some bullshit excuse about how I just had "surgery" and that I need to recover. Please, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. Big deal. They tell me that next time, they won't stop me from going anywhere, that I don't need to ask them, but is it going to be another flat out lie? It's always been about lies with them, to get their own way, to make me shut up so I would stop arguing. Last time I asked to go skiing where they just flat out turned me down because they got injured on the slopes and don't want me getting hurt? Sure, it sounds like its caring, but what about the time I get to hang out with my friends? Why should I be deprived of that? Maybe this is why I keep to myself all the time, why I can't communicate freely with my peers. Maybe its because my parents have sheltered me too much over the past 20 years, preached to me that you cannot trust other people and you must rely on you and your family to survive. I want to change that.

And now I'm confused in my flurry of thoughts and I have no idea where this is headed. So I'll just continue...

And though this may seem like a way of venting, a way to blow off steam, it most certainly is not. My parents, while we were arguing earlier today, told me they didn't want to argue anymore, but if I wanted to continue "venting", they would listen, as if they were there for me or something. Another reason why I cannot stand the way they treat me, they think my fits of anger are just childish frustrations, there is no thought behind my arguments. They think I cannot think on my own, and that I will always need them to make decisions for me. Wrong.

I think the problem is instead of supporting my decisions, they come up with with thier own decisions for me because they are afraid that I will make the wrong one. But how am I suppose to learn anything if I don't make those mistakes myself? How am I suppose to grow into my own if I have my parents making every decision for me based on what THEY went through? How are they so sure that their decision isn't causing more problems than benefits?

Now I'm wondering, how long will this last? When will they finally realize that I am capable of making my own decisions? When will they stop treating me like a 13 year old? My parents want me to move back in with them after college, but I'm having a hard time picturing that. I'd much rather be broke but living on my own with the ability to do whatever I want than to be rich and live with them and go through what I'm going through now. I don't see them ever changing.

My dad once told me "You have to fight for what you believe is right. And if that means losing a friend, so be it, kick their ass."

This is my stand. Happy new year everyone.

In regards to the Filpinos

2005-12-22T00:35:00.000-05:00

edit 12/27: Happy Holidays to everyone reading this. If you are interested, I received awesome gifts, including: cash, thera-pedic slippers, a laptop bookbag, a 5/6 full bottle of hypnotiq, a copy of the "Da Vinci Code" (borrowed), and a starbucks gift card. Spending time with my family (or rather families) was probably the best gift of all.

I've had the pleasure of spending the past few months observing, conversing, and at times, living with this rare breed from the Pacific islands, and I must say they are...interesting to say the least. A few things I have learned:

1)

This man (we'll call him Tito Ruben) seems to be the leader of the Filipinos at every major dancing event. He leads the others in what they like to call "line dances" with various steps and intriguing hand motions. Boy, do they love their line dancing. Also a wealthy man, he likes to take his people to a sheisty Vietnamese restaurant and pay for them all. I was honored with the chance to shake his hand and thank him for his genorosity, for which he responded "twas nothing. See you on the dance floor next time!" What a guy.

2)

The Filipino male population have rather similar physical characteristics. A stereotypical Filipino male is pictured above. Notice, the lack of hair and if you look closely, the thick eyebrows. Quite a specimen I must say.

3) There seems to be a substantial number of male Filipinos compared to female Filipinos in the 17-21 age range. I noticed this discrepency when I attended this so called "rager" at a Filipino house and noticed 10 males sitting around talking to 2 females.

4) Every Filipino has 2 sets of names. The first set is given to them by their parents at birth. The second set is given to them by their peers within the Filipino community. One cannot be a true Filipino without a Filipino nickname. Examples of such nicknames are Jgus, Meezk, Chiggzzz, gLuv, minigus, h dot, wu, tweeaaakkkkk, boobing, weezy, etc. I am currently trying to obtain a nickname.

5) I currently know a few commonly used words of their language, or pseudo-language. Some commonly used phrases include "HOY!", "YOU EAAATTTT", and "chillllll".

6) THEY ROLL DEEP. VERY DEEP. TOO DEEP FOR MY OWN GOOD IF YOU ASK ME.

Overall, an interesting group of people if I do say so myself. They've even confused me as one of their own! The reincarnation of one Rico Yan.

I don't see the resemblence...

The Empty Mind

2005-12-11T01:44:00.000-05:00

Has anybody ever told you that you should "stop living in the past"? Or that you should stop "dwelling on the past"? Wouldn't it be so much easier if you couldn't remember the past? If we weren't meant to relive the past, then why do we still remember them in our heads? Why should we keep memories at all?

Imagine a world in which nostalgia didn't exist because the memories of our earlier days were never retained. Would we be better off?

No, I'm not talking about short-term memory loss like in the movie Memento. I'm talking about specific events of the past that you re-play in your head 10 years after the fact. The ones that stick out like a sore thumb, the ones that are re-lived vividly everytime they come up as if you were there. But what for? Why do we re-live those moments if we know we can never live them again? Why do they stick out in our minds so clearly as if it happened yesterday?

I'll give you an example. It was my freshman year of high school and it was the 2nd to last game of the basketball season. We were playing Christiana, the score was 42-39, Christiana. There was about 6 seconds left in the 4th quarter. I had already missed an easy layup in the game and I was benched for most of the 4th quarter, but I was the best shooter on the team, they needed me for the last shot. The inbounds pass was by our end, so my teammate throws it down court, fortunately coming to me. I caught the ball right at the 3 point line, but instead of shooting a 3, I drive it to the hoop. The other team gives me a free shot, knowing that a layup will not hurt them, but I miss it anyways. Had I made my 2 layups, we would have won the game. But then again, that goes back to the "What if?" question I ask in my last post, and I have come to the conclusion that it just wasn't meant to be. But why do I still think about that specific moment to this day? It's so relatively meaningless. So many other things happened to me that year that was much more important, my first time living away from home at summer college, my first kiss, my transfer to Charter from Concord, my first year back in the states, my first marriage (hahaha). Why some stupid high school basketball game?

Consequently, that was also the first year I learned to speak my mind via pen and paper, and now look what its transformed to.

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep–while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-E.A Poe "Dream within a Dream"

Who am I?

2005-11-26T00:24:00.000-05:00

This has nothing to do with that crazy Jackie Chan movie.

I've done my share of thinking the past few days. I'm not exactly too happy with myself or proud of the decisions I have made these few weeks but it was my decision to do what I did and now I must live through it.

Which brings me to the first question I asked myself, why did I do what I did?

After a couple days of pondering, I believe that life is just a string of decisions that shape who we become. With every decision we make, we must live with the consequences (or benefits) that come along with that decision, whether we are aware of it or not. These consequences/benefits have both short and long term effects. Short term effects could be you get yelled at, you could lose a lot of money, physical harm to oneself or others, get laid, make tons of money, or be commended by others. Long term effects? It shapes who you are, makes you become who you are today, how other people view you as a person. I believe that the person I am today is the summation of every single decision I (or my parents made for me when I was still an infant) have made in the past, what people know as Alan Luan Nguyen.

What if?

What if I didn't flunk the first quarter of 7th grade? What if I didn't live in Singapore for a year? What if we never broke up? What if I didn't transfer to Charter? What if I didn't go to UD? What if I wasn't a computer scientist? Better yet...what if I wasn't Asian? Common pondered in his song Faithful "I was rolling around in my mind it occured/What if God was a her?" What if I had a sister? Hell, what if I was a girl? (I never really put any thought into that, and from stories I've heard, I'm kind of glad I'm not) Point is, many things could have gone very differently. Where would I be if I didn't do what I did? Am I suppose to be where I am? Do I belong here? Yes. Things happen for a reason. If I didn't flunk 7th grade, my mom probably wouldn't have gotten me out of Shue Medill Middle School and taken that job in Singapore. If i didn't live in Singapore, I wouldn't have met my first group of close friends, or discovered my interest in computers. If I didn't go to Charter, I would have never met O'hana. I probably wouldn't have met them either if we didn't break up and you weren't there to console me. Though its not clear why you are where you are, the present is a stepping stone to where you want to be in the future. Sounds confusing, but that made sense in my head.

Last question I promise, Why?

A little different than the first why? I asked. Why do "friends" come and go? Why do people enter our lives only to leave it without a trace? What, then, is the purpose of friendship? Why should you invest time in someone knowing that at some point in the future, they may leave you, never to be heard again? I believe the answer is a combination of the first two answers I gave. I believe friends have an enormous influence on a person's decisions. Do we not ask our friend's opinions before making a decision? But how did you come to meet in the first place? Perhaps your friends are there to help you get to the next step? Perhaps you are helping them get to that next step? Maybe the direction you are going is completely opposite than the way your friend is going, and thus you lose contact.

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my family for helping me get to where I am today, my friends, past and present, for getting me (or helping me) get to that next step, and Fate for taking me down the path I should be taking.

Excuse me sir, is your watch broken?

2005-11-22T23:23:00.000-05:00

Contrary to popular belief, there are actually 2 different measurements of time in the world. There is the time that we're all used to, and then there is CP time. CP stands for "colored people" time, and CP time runs a little bit later than regular time. For instance, if you tell a colored person to meet you at 4pm, the colored person will start to think about getting ready to meet you at 4pm, and then finally at 6pm, s/he will meet you whereever.

I don't believe in CP time and it is probably my biggest pet peeve/OCD trait.

Apperently, I didn't get the memo about adhereing to CP time.

I mean, is it really that hard to be on time? I'm pretty sure people are self-aware of how long it takes them to do whatever it needs to get ready. Is it so hard to allow youself enough time before to get ready to be there on time? Let's say, for example, you have to meet somebody at 4pm. It takes 30 minutes to drive to the meeting place, takes you 15 minutes to shower, 10 minutes to change into your clothing, and assuming you are a female (or male...whatever floats your boat), takes you 20 minutes for makeup. So, you take a shower at 2:45, change at 3:00, makeup at 3:10, drive off at 3:30 and arrive at 4. Isn't that easy???

What it comes down to is that people have no time management. Sure, I can understand if someone is 5-10 minutes late, that's understandable. But 30 minutes late? Come on...

But over the years, I've learned to tolerate CP time, but its one thing to be late, and be late and not inform the others that you will be late. If you're gonna be late, at least have the courtesy to let the other party know you will be late. That way they aren't worrying about if they got stood up or if you are alright.

In closing, people who are late and don't call ahead of time piss me off.

Good night. And happy birthday to Sandy(23rd), my sister Jen Sun (28th), and my "recently acquinted and impossible to hang out with because her planner is completely packed" friend Lani(also the 28th).

Random

2005-11-12T02:01:00.000-05:00

A few random observations I have noticed in the past couple of weeks:
1) I suck at writing with a time constraint.
2) I really should formulate an idea in my head before I start blogging about it.
3) Never trust any restaurant whose name has "grille", "cuisine", or "garden" after the name of a city. Chances are the food they claim to make really isn't from there. For instance, HYPOTHETICALLY speaking...Saigon Grille: Vietnamese Cuisine. We can automatically assume that place will not serve authentic Vietnamese food. Of course there are more cases, as I hear Kahl-bee isn't very great.

I had something to write about but I lost my whole train of thought.

Seinfeld away message trivia game answers

2005-10-24T17:56:00.000-04:00

Answers to past questions:

10/22: What type of fabric was the sweater that George gave the cleaning lady? Cashmere
10/23: How long was Elaine banned from the Soup Nazi's store? How did she drive him out of business?
Banned 1 year. She found the recipe in an armoire and publishes it, causing the soup nazi to give away all his soup and go back to Argentina.
10/24: What is Kramer's first name? What type of pasta is Jerry? What was "the move" that Kramer stole from Frank and "used" on Estelle?
Cosmo. Fucilli (because he's silly!). Kramer stopped short.

10/25: How does Eric the clown put out the fire? What is the comedian's ultimate revenge? How does Kramer get the severed toe to the hospital? Accurately describe how Kramer got it there.
Eric put out the fire with his big shoes. Heckle the Heckler. He puts it in a Cracker Jack box filled with ice. He takes the bus to the hospital, but a highjacker was on the bus and attacked him. He punched him and knocked him out but the bus driver passed out from the commotion so he drove the bus. The highjacker then wakes up and starts choking Kramer while he's driving the bus. He fights him off and kicks him off at the next bus stop. He makes all the stops because "people kept ringing the bell". LOL.

10/26: What is "it" that Kramer is talking about? What is the mystery woman's name that rhymes with a part of the female anatomy? How did George come across the money and what did he spend it on?
Kramer is talking about a Junior Mint. The mystery woman's name is Delores (I'll leave it up to you to figure out what it rhymes with). George got $1900 from a savings account he had since he was a kid. He bought artwork from Elaine's friend who he thought was going to die and thought the artwork would be priceless.
10/27: What is so special about the pen Jack gave Jerry? What did Kramer feed the horse before giving a ride to George's girlfriend's parents?
It can write upside down. Beef-a-reeno.

When was the last time you bought a CD?

2005-10-22T02:03:00.000-04:00

Probably a long time ago huh? And if it wasn't, I'm sure you haven't bought as many CDs as you used to. Let's face it, MP3 is the way to go. How many people do you see around campus walking around with the white earbuds and the white (or black now) circle in the middle of their MP3 player? Practically everyone. It is just another shift in technology, yet the RIAA fails to recognize this.

If you haven't heard, the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) have been slapping lawsuits on random music downloaders across America in an attempt to intimidate the public from downloading pirated music from P2P clients such as Kazaa, Limewire, Bearshare, etc. But to me, it seems like the RIAA is just finding a scapegoat to their recent decline in sales, and suing the public will not help their cause, as I will try to show.

First off, the methods the RIAA uses to find these downloaders is a breach of privacy and highly ineffective. The RIAA basically goes to your ISP (the people who provide your internet) and asks for the names of people using suspected IP addresses. This is ineffective because many people share computers, and if someone downloads on another person's computer, the RIAA will have the wrong person, and thus screw the guy over, even though he didn't download anything. Also, an IP address does not say anything about age or gender. For example, the RIAA sued a 41 year old disabled woman for downloading gangster rap at 4:30am. The RIAA also sued a 12 year old girl for downloading music on Kazaa even though she paid the one time fee.

Secondly, even though the RIAA has gone on this rampage of mass lawsuits, it will not stop people from downloading music. At Napster's peak, there were 70 million users registered. After the RIAA successfully shut down Napster, Kazaa came along and at its peak, had 140 million users. This leads us to believe that even though they shut down a major P2P client, it will only cause more people to download.

Even though CD sales has gone down since 1999 with the introduction of Napster, is it really because of downloading? In 1999, the DOW Jones average was at its peak, around 12,000. Since then, the average has dropped nearly 25%, with the lowest being 8,000. It is at about 10,000 right now. Now, CDs are an elastic good, meaning a change in costs will result in a big change in quantity purchased. With the stock market going down, people will be less likely to spend money on materialistic things such as CDs.

Thus, in conclusion, fuck the RIAA.

Are we still in the 1950's?

2005-10-11T01:13:00.000-04:00

It's been 38 years since Martin Luther King Jr. died for equality among the races in America. We have come a long way, "colored" people piss in the same bathroom, eat in the same section, go to class with, and party with white people. But have we lived up to MLK's dream? Is all the hatred and inferiority gone from American society? Not yet.

Just take 2 examples from the University of Delaware.

A hispanic speaker who happens to be a former criminal spoke at the University of Delaware about his past and how he has made a complete turnaround. Basically, he is positively affecting the world. However, a Review writer (for those of you who aren't at UD, the Review is the school newspaper) decided to focus more on the speaker's past, about what crimes he committed, his incarceration, instead of talking about all his good deeds. Why is there a negative portrayal of the speaker? Why not talk about what he's done SINCE being in jail? I wish I had the article to post here, but the website is down (hmmm...)

This 2nd incident is just fucked up. A black man was beaten by some white males and was stripped of his clothing. His clothing was set ablaze in the middle of Chapel Street. One of my students (This Coming From A Professor On Campus), a white male, was passing by the scene when he saw 10 men shouting "We hate niggers! Fuck niggers!". He also saw the burning clothing and put out the fire and confronted the shouting men. He was then burned by a cigarette and beaten until blood was pouring out of his nose. His roommate was somehow able to drag him to safety.

So, though we have made progress since 1964, there are STILL people who have no idea how to interact with minorities. What is sad is that most of those people never lived through the civil rights movement so they have NO EXCUSE to be racist. Not that there was any excuse for it to begin with.

I would like to commend President Roselle and the UD community for the effort that they have put in to encourage more diversity among the community. Minority overnight, diversity training for incoming freshman, and trying to get more minorities to attend the school is great for spreading diversity to a rather non-diverse campus. Though, I feel there are several actions the University can take that will further move diversity awareness among the UD Community.

First, there should be diversity training for EVERYBODY (not just incoming freshman). And there should be diversity training at the start of every semester. More exposure to diversity may lead to more awareness among the community and less of these incidents.

Secondly, there should be more exposure to multicultural events in the Review. So often do I see a multicultural article placed in the way back of the newspaper in a small corner. Do we really need an article explaining what Facebook is? Do we really need to know that Dean Apple's mustache was on the line because of a bet he made with a few ROTC guys?

Lastly, we need better screening of people coming into the University. Perhaps have them fill out a diversity questionnaire or go through an interviewing process with a minority professor.

Now I understand this will not solve the problem completely. I understand that a 1 hour diversity training class will not change 18 years of a way of thinking and a philosophy. And yes, I do realize the problem extends WAY beyond what Roselle and the University is able to do. But this is just a step in the right direction. In my dream, I see the University going through all these steps towards diversity awareness, actually making a diffrence in some people's lives, and with the education they get at this school, they go on and make a difference in the world. And maybe, just maybe, we can stop living in the past and build for the future.

Untitled (1 of 1)

2005-09-27T01:22:00.000-04:00

Lucky you. I was originally only going to post this one but I had more to say. So I'm giving you a doubleheader.

Entry 1 of 2

The University of Delaware has 16,023 undergraduates. Only 4% of them are Asian, which means there are only 640 asians on campus. What I have noticed is that Asians tend to stick together with their kind. For example, the Vietnamese hang out with the Viets, Chinese with the Chinese, Koreans with Korean, etc. Hell, we've gone so far as to create 3 COMPLETELY different clubs to promote diversity to the other 96% of the UD population. But the question I ask is, how can we promote diversity if we alienate ourselves from other asians? Are we that different that we can't all be a single club? I see Black Student Union, not a Nigerian Student Association or a Ethiopian Club. I see HOLA, not Peruvian Club or Argentinian Club. Look how big those organizations have gotten. Point is, we do not need a VSA, a CCSA, or an ESAU. No, what we need is an Asian Student Union. An organization to unify the Asian population; from Chinese to Filipino, from FOB to white-washed to AZN. This is what we need to promote diversity around campus.

Alan Nguyen for president in 2020!

Untitled (2 of 2)

2005-09-26T22:54:00.000-04:00

Entry 2/2

I have no desire to program anymore. Even the simplest of programs, I cannot get to run properly. I have no desire to fix it. The mere thought of me spending hours going over every line of code only to find out that i didn't include cstdlib or iostream only makes me more angry. I don't care how an operating system works, I don't care how processes share the CPU or how to optimize it. I want to do cool things with computers, like program robots, "predict" the stock market.

Only reason I'm ranting about this is because I've spent the last 3 hours trying to figure out why my 40 lines of code is giving me 30 errors.

It's 7:59am. You can feel the sweat crystallizing on your forehead as you await the sound of the bell. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people just like you are packed onto the Floor. They are nervous as well, news of the yet another hurricane impacting Florida have caused a panic in the orange juice industry, causing many people to sell sell sell. The game is simple, make more money than the person next to you. You've both learned the same thing in college, you've both been in the business long enough to know all the tricks in the book. It comes down to strategizing and dedication. Are you willing to get up an extra hour early to read the journal and stay on top of the news? Are you willing to take the risks that nobody will take? That's the difference in this game.

8am. The opening bell of the market is like the bell to start the 1st round of a tyson vs. holyfield match. People are pushing and shoving for position, sweat is flying everywhere and landing on your freshly dry-cleaned versace suit. As people are selling their orange juice investments, the price of orange juice drops dramatically. You think to yourself, "Man, what an opportunity to buy." You remember reading an article you found on the Internet at 3 in the morning last night about the demand for Brazilian orange juice. Amidst the chaos and hysteria, you calmly pull out your smart phone and make a few calls to a couple of contacts in Brazil. You've put a quarter million dollars into an industry that was supposed to be going down for a while. The guy next to you overhears part of your conversation, he calls you crazy, says you are nothing but a rich amateur trying to be a hotshot. You just smirk at him and walk away. Later that day, news hits that Brazil is importing 50% more orange juice to the United States. Another frenzy. Players pushing and shoving to get a piece of the pie. But not you, you sit in the corner with a big grin as you watch the ticker report that orange juice has gone up 25%. At 3:45pm, 15 minutes before the closing bell, you sell your investment at 35% more than what you put in. By the end of the day, you walk away $87,500 richer. The guy next to you loses money today by selling oj at a low price then buying at a higher price. You smile at him as you both walk out the door at the same time. You know you belong here. This is why you quit your other job as the computer nerd at a big bank. Because you live for the pressure, you live for the excitement, you live for the glory of looking at the guy next to you and knowing you are better than him.

A few changes, part 2

2005-09-22T01:22:00.000-04:00

I have this sudden urge to write once again.

Classes are going pretty well, the professors are all pretty interesting in their own way:

ECON 315: Economic History of Colonial America. What? I don't know either, but the professor's name is Farley Grubb. I'm sorry but it doesn't matter what class you teach, a name like Farley Grubb will make it interesting. Ever notice, the more unusual the name, the more interesting their character? Interesting...anyways class is not bad, not really economics but whatever.

ECON 340: International Economics. Interesting class. Even more interesting professor. Johannes Umstaetter. As German as a German can be. Blond hair, blue eyes, somewhat thick German accent but can be understood. The thing that makes this guy so awesome is his dress attire. I don't know where he shops but its awesome. Anyone that isn't ashamed to have a black and white dress shirt with a million cows on it is cool in my book. My favorite outfit has to be today's black vest with neon colored music symbols TUCKED IN to his belly button high jeans. Easy class though I think, stupid people of course always makes it interesting.

CISC 301: Logic and Automata Theory. Only "normal" class I have. Professor is a typical computer professor, thick accent, hard to understand. Cool name though...Vijay Shanker. Shanker has a nice ring to it. Material is stuff I have been learning for the past 2 years of college but is getting a lot more difficult. Should be my hardest class this semester

CISC 361: Operating Systems. YAY we get to learn how windows works! not that interesting. Professor is pretty cool. Silber is his name. Dresses like a hobo, drives a Porsche. I don't understand.

CHIN 107: Intermediate Chinese. Class is fun, professors are insane, too much work though. Chen laoshi, crazy hand motions, funny stories, once equated bribery to the "lubrication of human relationships". Tu Laoshi, most gulliable person I've ever met. Told her i wanted my name to be Tai Mai Shu, thought it meant the literal chinese translation of "extreme book buying". Way too hyper to teach.

Time for Alan's random comments!
- Little red dots give me the chills. Even when I think about them.

- I have been noticing the latest fashion trend among caucasian females at the University of Delaware for the past 2 weeks. Although I am utterly confused as to why this latest trend seems to be popular. It seems as if the new "thing" nowadays is to wear HOODIES in 85 degree weather with denim mini skirts. Obviously its not cold enough to wear a hoodie because their ass is hanging out of their skirt, so why the hoodie? So, in a bold fashion statement, I, Alan Nguyen, will start a WINTER fashion trend of wearing a tank top and mesh shorts! It only makes sense if such a trend were to happen. You heard it here first.

- What is with all the powerful hurricanes? To those of you in Galveston, get out. NOW. For the government, get your ass in there sunday night. That way the whiners have nothing to whine about.

- DON'T MOAN IF YOU DON'T PHONE!

That is all for now.

A few changes.

2005-09-17T01:59:00.000-04:00

Might be a boring post but somebody requested an update and an update they shall receive.

This is my 3rd year at UD. Amazing how time goes so fast. I can hardly remember my first two years here. Anyhow, this year there has been a few changes for those of you who only "keep in touch" with me through my blog. First off, I'm no longer in Squire. It was time to move on. It would be such a waste of time to live there my entire college life and be sheltered from other experiences, such as cooking, responsibility , partying haha. I can't say I miss living in the dorms that much, for various reasons in which I will not get into. However living in the apartment has been a blast so far.

Also new, I am now getting a double degree. One for Computer Science and one for Economics. Why the sudden change? Because I hated my job this summer. I already made an entry about this but long story short, computer science is boring me, but I feel if I drop it now it would be a waste of 2 years and $24k, so I'm going to finish it and add an Econ major as well.

Not sure exactly what I'm going to do with the 2 degrees, but hopefully I want to do something with the stock market. Make people rich. Spend other people's money and make them give me some of it. Perhaps develop some sort of program that will "predict" the stock market and earn me millions, if not billions or dare I say TRILLIONS.

I tend to ramble on when I have nothing to say.

My course schedule rocks. MWF are Econ days, TR are CISC days, Chinese is everyday. Earliest start time is at 10am, finish no later than 3.

I'm bored. I don't feel like writing.

Death

2005-09-08T01:18:00.000-04:00

Some say ignorance is bliss...

Fortunately for me, I have never really experienced a death in the family or a death to a close friend etc. Well, I mean there was my aunt and my grandfather but I was much too young, not too young not to remember but young enough to not fully comprehend what the situation was. Sure, 9/11 was a pretty sad day for me, the tsunami in Asia was horrible and Katrina was horrible, but it didn't...really affect me directly.

Unfotunately, many of my friends have, and I just feel so awkward when I'm talking to a person who has lost someone because I have never been in such a situation. I'm sitting there watching my friend cry or be sad or upset and I don't know how to act, and it kills me on the inside. What do I say? What do I do? I want to help but I just don't know how, and that pisses me off.

Death is always in my mind. It's not that I'm afraid of it, but I worry about the reactions people have when I die. I don't know how many times I have reenacted my death in my mind, and the reactions of those closest to me. I have played out the deaths of a bunch of my friends *knock on wood* and I would imagine how I would react in such a case. Problem is, I don't know. The sheer thought of a close friend dying is enough to make someone get teary eyes, but not me. I just don't know the feeling.

(Is it weird I think of shit like this? Psych majors give me an answer.)

And that is probably why people think I'm some sort of robot or something. People think that I'm this stoic, cold, "I just don't give a damn about anything" type of guy who shows no emotion. Well, maybe I am. Why am I seemingly unphased by anything in the world? Maybe because I've never been exposed to it. Which brings up a whole different subjec that I don't care to get into now.

Ignorance is bliss? No, ignorance is my weakness.

Random Notes

2005-08-23T22:32:00.000-04:00

Just a few random things I'd like to say.

1) My life is pretty boring. I wake up, eat, play games, chat online, and that's about it. I feel lazy, I need to go to the gym. All that work I put in this summer at the gym feels like it has gone to waste in the last 2 weeks.

2) I'm slowly starting to play less Warcraft. The game has gotten pretty boring to me. I'm completely done with playing the regular game but maybe I will play the custom games for a bit more with my brother and a few friends. Final overall record? 394-376. Not bad. What am I going to do now? Who knows, maybe spend more time at the gym? Perhaps read the Davinci Code that I've been wanting to read for the past year or so now? More basketball and tennis? Hang out with friends more? Maybe even study! By not playing warcraft it frees up a lot of my time.

3) I'm going to try to use as little Microsoft
as possible. Microsoft has grown into a big ass monopoly and their products suck. It's so buggy and crashes all the time and there are so many loopholes and exploits its almost unreliable. Luckily for us there are open source programs (i.e. Firefox), which is good because its free and anybody in the world can edit the program to make it better. 5 billion minds is better than all those minds at Microsoft.

4) Google owns the Internet. I mean, any company that can change a word from a noun (A Google is a number with 100 zeros) to a verb ("Don't know what it is? Just google it.) definately has an impact. Their search engine rocks, we all know that, but what people don't know is that they have pretty kick ass programs too. Google Earth gives you a satellite image of any address in the world. Wow. Google Desktop is pretty cool too but not the best imo. Google Talk will be the next AIM (Down with AOL!). Did you know that Google owns this kick ass blogger as well? Google vs. Microsoft? It has already begun.

5) Whenever I listen to a song, I attribute it to a time of day, season, weather condition, and action. For instance, right now I'm listening to "Be" by Common, and I thinking about a sunny, windy fall afternoon when I'm on my computer programming with the windows open. Now I'm listening to "Sex, Love, and Money" by Mos Def, and I'm thinking about a muggy, rainy summer night when I'm walking outside. I dunno...a little weird?

6) Sometimes I wonder why friends come and go. Why did I meet them in the first place if after 3-4 years we lose touch? Does every person I meet impact the person I am today? What is the purpose of meeting them? More on this later.

That is all for now.

Lessons learned from a vacation

2005-08-14T00:24:00.000-04:00

A few things I learned from my recent trip to Miami, Key West, Cozumel, etc.

1) You know the woman that announces which seats board the airplane to avoid mass backups in the aisle? Yeah it doesn't really matter.

2) When you double up your money in a cash game of poker, you really should leave the table.

3) From #2, April 1, 2006 will not be a good day for my financial future.

4) Canadians say funny things. Funniest thing I heard though was when this Canadian girl (whom shall remain nameless) said "As if we are leaving tomorrow!". What confused my cousin and I was that she said it as a matter of fact, not as sarcasm. Naturally, our reply was "But, we ARE leaving tomorrow..." and Canada bashing began.

5) Vietnamese people don't get sunburn.

6) Going in a group of 22 people is way to chaotic.

7) I hate beer.

I can't think of anything else.

Reality Check

2005-08-01T23:19:00.000-04:00

EDIT: ????????Girl7~~: what's the picture on the side... a motorcycle?.. don't laugh at me!

feel free to laugh at her in my comments section (sn hidden to prevent public flaming)

AZNinvasion1000: a VIET CuTie: your brother is mean
a VIET CuTie: i thought he was nice

(thanks)

-------------------------------------------------------------

You readers are in for a special treat! For the first time in a while I have made 2 posts on consecutive days. That's right, before you even had a chance to read my previous post I'm hitting you up with another one. Lucky you.

First off in regards to my summer goals:
1) bench press 185 pounds (I've done it...but today I dropped it)
2) curl 105 pounds (95 pounds twice...105 negatives)
3) gain -15 pounds. (i've given up on this one...)
4) learn a new programming language (css becoming a lot more readable to me...as you can tell from my blog)
5) drink bubble tea with friends and introduce at least 5 people to t'licious
(reintroduced 2 people)

Anyways this post is meant to be a reality check. For all of those who have been living in this dream world for the (insert floating point # here) (insert unit of time here) and now have hit a low point which you haven't experienced in quite some time. Welcome to life. Life isn't meant to be perfect. Sure there are high points, but those high points are only rewards for getting through the hard times in life, and going from the high life to rock bottom is the most difficult part in life. However, one can only get stronger by sucking up and dealing with it. I feel that this is the difference between successful people and deadbeats. Successful people can deal with hardships and deadbeats just keep on whining about how much their life sucks and don't do anything about it. And when I say successful I don't mean financially wise, I mean happiness wise.

I got totally side-tracked so I'll stop it at that.

Point is, do not live in the past when everything was so great, one will not grow that way. Learn from the hardships and mistakes and move on.

That is what I have learned. I have learned that computer science is not for me. I am good at programming, the camaraderie among other comp sci majors is great and I thought I would really enjoy it once I got out of school, but then I take this ING Direct internship and I see what a lot of comp sci majors do...and I don't like it. I dread going to work everyday cause everyday is the same old shit...look at the monitor and watch for something to break. Other people rack servers and make sure they are running smoothly, others make sure people can get their email. It's quite boring. The other interns have learned something practical to their studies, but the most important thing I got out of this is that this is NOT what I want to do for the rest of my life. And I realized why I did collections for 3 years and why collections was the only job I've ever had prior to this. It was because it was what I was meant to do. Maybe not collections in general, but to help people earn money, get out of debt, help them become successful financially and emotionally, that is what I really want to do. And it took a job that I thought would be better than collections to show me that.

Thanks ING Direct.

Hope this made sense to everybody.

It's deeper than you think...and I'm not addicted.

2005-07-31T00:33:00.000-04:00

If you know me well (actually if you know me at all) you would know that I love to play Warcraft III. Some of you may say I'm addicted to it, I treat it so seriously, I spend too much time playing it. Well let me tell you, I don't treat it too seriously (though I do get angry when I lose because of my competitive nature) , I do realize its a game, and I spend as much time playing Warcraft as anybody else spends watching TV or playing beer pong. I like to regard Warcraft as a modification of chess in a way, thus Warcraft stimulates the brain...much more than TV or drinking does.

Let me explain why I enjoy this game, and then whoever wants to flame me can. (It may get pretty long and boring so I'm sorry if you lose interest)

First off, like I said Warcraft III (WC3) is a like a modification of chess, although WC3 is a lot deeper than chess. First off, WC3 is in REAL-TIME. Meaning you are making many decisions on the fly while the other guy is doing the same thing. Imagine chess in which your opponent can move his units 3 or 4 times while you are still thinking about 1 move. In WC3 there are 4 different races with different units to choose from, unlike chess which has one "race" with both players having the same units. (Though this does give chess balance, meaning no player has an advantage based on units.) Also, WC3 can be played 1v1, teams of 2, 3, or 4, or Free for all, which 4 people fight to the death. All scenarios bring different strategies, which I will explain now.

Unlike chess, in which each player starts with the same amount of units, WC3 makes you build units. Some units can't be made until certain buildings are built. Buildings cannot be made without the proper resources. How you manage these resources and when to build buildings, when to make units, and when to attack or defend will make or break the game for you. The worst part? You don't even get 10 seconds to make a decision. Also, knowing WHAT units to build is essential. In chess, sure some units are better than the other but in general, any unit can kill another with one move. In WC3, it takes a lot more for one unit to kill another. For example, 1 archer has no chance against 1 grunt, but 1 grunt can't beat a huntress, and 1 huntress can't beat a fiend, but a fiend can't beat a tauren, and taurens can't beat gryphons (cause gryphons are in the air, while taurens are on the ground), but then again, an archer can kill a gryphon? So what to units to build, and how many of them, is important to winning as well.

So now you decide to engage in a battle, how are you going to manage your units? When are you going to pull that unit out of the battle because he is hurt? Can you heal him? Which units are going to attack what? When are you going to cast your spells? Probably the most difficult part of the game, it takes fast thinking and quick hands to master this, something that chess lacks.

A decent WC3 player does about 70-80 actions in a minute. "Professional" WC3 players does up to 150 actions a minute (not including spam). In an average game a player will make between 1000 to 2000 actions. A game of chess is over in 70 moves. Think about that...

Now I'm not saying that everybody should play, and I'm not saying its not a geeky thing to do (it's a little geeky I will admit), but before you tell me that I'm obsessed with this game, and that I'm addicted, and that I should do something else with my time, maybe you will stop and realize that this a hobby, something I enjoy doing and would rather be doing instead of watching stupid rich white girls complain about stupid problems while they are on their decks looking out towards the beach (I'm talking about Laguna Beach btw).

Flame on.

UD the elite schedule makers

2005-07-27T18:08:00.000-04:00

Semester Schedule

                                              TERM: 05F
Advisor: SWANY, DOUGLAS MARTIN

                  Fall 2005
COURSE         CRED GT TITLE                    DAYS    TIMES      BLDG ROOM        DATES
CISC-301-010   3.00    ELEMNTS OF LOGIC & AUTOM TR     1100-1215PM GOR  204   08-30-05 TO 12-07-05
                  Instructor: SHANKER V
CISC-361-011   3.00    OPERATING SYSTEMS        TR     1230-0145PM SMI  203   08-30-05 TO 12-07-05
                  Instructor: SILBER H
ECON-315-010   3.00    ECON HISTORY OF COLONIAL MWF    1010-1100AM PRN  118   08-30-05 TO 12-07-05
                  Instructor: GRUBB F
ECON-340-013   3.00    INTERNATIONAL ECONOMICS  TR     0200-0315PM PRN  331   08-30-05 TO 12-07-05
                  Instructor: WANG S
         12.00 TOTAL REGISTERED HOURS

What is missing? OH YEAH I PAID FOR AT LEAST 13 CREDITS...and they give me 12.
Hopefully people will be dropping like mad...cause my schedule needs some improvement. Need to switch ECON 340 sections so I can get it on MWF. Need to add a breadth requirement(either A or B) but I'm not sure which ones yet. Debating on either PHIL204 (hoping someone will drop and Sandy stays in the one section) or GEOG203 (Intro to cultural geography...interesting cause of the nature of my last post). Other longshots include ENGL210 (Short story) and FLLT321 (anti-heroes in Chinese Literature). It will be a madhouse come August 1.

Summer Goals update:
goals for this summer:

1) bench press 185 pounds (1.5 times...dropped the weight on my chest :( )
2) curl 105 pounds (95 pounds twice...105 negatives)
3) gain -15 pounds. (i've given up on this one...)
4) learn a new programming language (in the process of learning css)
5) drink bubble tea with friends and introduce at least 5 people to t'licious
(reintroduced 2 people)

Some things never change...

2005-07-24T23:24:00.000-04:00

Let's take a journey through time shall we?

We'll start in the 1500s, when the conquistadors found their way to Latin America and found gold and more importantly they found a new group of people, the Aztecs, the Incans, and the Mayas. New people, with totally different cultures, different way of living, and what does the white man do? They wipe them out completely and take their gold.

Moving onto the 1700s, the pilgrams! White people escaping their homeland to come to America for religious freedom. They even get a warm greeting at Plymouth Rock by the Native Americans! Things are great, the Native Americans are helping these new settlers move in, get used to the new climate and help them hunt and what not. Everything was great, they ate turkey together and everything to give thanks to one another. But then what? More white people are coming over on ships, they need more land. They start moving west, taking the Native American's land until they are left with tiny reservations. Not to mention mass-murdering them.

Ahead to the 1800s, I guess white people had to sail around Africa on their trade routes to India and stopped by Africa for a pit stop. They see all these black people tilling the land and they think to themselves, "Hey! We could get them to do that for us in America!" So they whip them and force them to come to America to work in the field for nothing.

Of course this ended with the end of the Civil War, but for some reason the white man (actually we'll call them white Americans now) still believed he was better than the rest of the world, and arrogence soon took over. Seperate bathrooms, eating areas, bus sections, even water fountains for "colored" people. White America had to be an isolationist, because they are too good for the world. Hell they even rejected the metric system and adopted their own system that .00001% of the world uses (are there any other countries that use the US system?) Even through WWI and WWII America stood in the corner alone.

Where I'm trying to go with this is that people in America are extremely stubborn. ESPECIALLY white people. It's "America is the best!" "America this! America that! w00t AMERICA!" But if they just open their eyes for 1 week...all I ask is 1 week to show them the world, they will realize that there is more to the world than hotdogs, hamburgers, baseball, football, Ford and Dodge. I mean, if you don't like foriegn food, don't like foriegn cars, don't like foriegn culture, great, you have your opinion. However the thing that pisses me off most about white people in America is that they ACT like they are the shit. Ignorant shit like bombing Arabs, referring to Asians as "you people", and callin black people "N*g***s (even calling fellow white people the same thing). The most ignorant thing I think that's anyone has demonstrated to me was when some white guy came up behind me and was said "CHING CHANG CHONG!!!!". What the hell is that suppose to mean? I don't go up behind white people and go "PIZZA BREAD HAMBURGER!!!!!!" The worst part was that everybody around me laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. And then they cry foul when the guy that said it is on the ground with a rosy cheek and an imprint of my knuckles on his jaw like he didn't expect it to happen.

That got disorganized real quick...I think my rant on white people will end there.
P.S.- And its not that I'm racist, cause a lot of my friends are indeed white. It's just those ignorant white people who think they are better than everybody even though they live in a trailer park and don't bother to get an education while poor minorities are looking for every opportunity to learn (like Malcolm X who educated himself while in jail...that's dedication).

P.P.S- I had a day to think about this post...and the irony of it is, I try so hard not to be a fobby Asian, or be a thuggish African American, what the hell am I trying to be? I was about to write that I'm trying to act white but in all actuality I'm not. I think I'm just trying to be as well balanced as possible.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2005-07-23T02:03:00.000-04:00

My new site, still under major construction. All posts will be on xanga until further notice.