Death
Some say ignorance is bliss...
Fortunately for me, I have never really experienced a death in the family or a death to a close friend etc. Well, I mean there was my aunt and my grandfather but I was much too young, not too young not to remember but young enough to not fully comprehend what the situation was. Sure, 9/11 was a pretty sad day for me, the tsunami in Asia was horrible and Katrina was horrible, but it didn't...really affect me directly.
Unfotunately, many of my friends have, and I just feel so awkward when I'm talking to a person who has lost someone because I have never been in such a situation. I'm sitting there watching my friend cry or be sad or upset and I don't know how to act, and it kills me on the inside. What do I say? What do I do? I want to help but I just don't know how, and that pisses me off.
Death is always in my mind. It's not that I'm afraid of it, but I worry about the reactions people have when I die. I don't know how many times I have reenacted my death in my mind, and the reactions of those closest to me. I have played out the deaths of a bunch of my friends *knock on wood* and I would imagine how I would react in such a case. Problem is, I don't know. The sheer thought of a close friend dying is enough to make someone get teary eyes, but not me. I just don't know the feeling.
(Is it weird I think of shit like this? Psych majors give me an answer.)
And that is probably why people think I'm some sort of robot or something. People think that I'm this stoic, cold, "I just don't give a damn about anything" type of guy who shows no emotion. Well, maybe I am. Why am I seemingly unphased by anything in the world? Maybe because I've never been exposed to it. Which brings up a whole different subjec that I don't care to get into now.
Ignorance is bliss? No, ignorance is my weakness.
Fortunately for me, I have never really experienced a death in the family or a death to a close friend etc. Well, I mean there was my aunt and my grandfather but I was much too young, not too young not to remember but young enough to not fully comprehend what the situation was. Sure, 9/11 was a pretty sad day for me, the tsunami in Asia was horrible and Katrina was horrible, but it didn't...really affect me directly.
Unfotunately, many of my friends have, and I just feel so awkward when I'm talking to a person who has lost someone because I have never been in such a situation. I'm sitting there watching my friend cry or be sad or upset and I don't know how to act, and it kills me on the inside. What do I say? What do I do? I want to help but I just don't know how, and that pisses me off.
Death is always in my mind. It's not that I'm afraid of it, but I worry about the reactions people have when I die. I don't know how many times I have reenacted my death in my mind, and the reactions of those closest to me. I have played out the deaths of a bunch of my friends *knock on wood* and I would imagine how I would react in such a case. Problem is, I don't know. The sheer thought of a close friend dying is enough to make someone get teary eyes, but not me. I just don't know the feeling.
(Is it weird I think of shit like this? Psych majors give me an answer.)
And that is probably why people think I'm some sort of robot or something. People think that I'm this stoic, cold, "I just don't give a damn about anything" type of guy who shows no emotion. Well, maybe I am. Why am I seemingly unphased by anything in the world? Maybe because I've never been exposed to it. Which brings up a whole different subjec that I don't care to get into now.
Ignorance is bliss? No, ignorance is my weakness.
posted by A. Nguyen at 1:18 AM
1 Comments:
or is it your strength ?
you grew up without having any emotionally traumatic experiences ... i wouldn't exactly call it a weakness
Post a Comment
<< Home