A pretty morbid entry.
Month number 9 of 24 straight months of classes.
Well...I made it. I survived. The spring semester of my junior year is complete. There was so much adversity this semester, both academically and socially, and all of it has made me grow up in a hurry. And it has actually got me thinking...
Yes, this semester was very hard for me, and yes I did learn a lot about myself this semester, and yes I did grow up a lot. But that means I've changed. I hate change. I feel like a completely different person, and I don't know if I like it. I don't know if the people closest to me like it. I feel like I'm always angry at someone, and then I lash out and act like an asshole. I was always the nice guy, but now I feel like I'm not. Is this good for me? For you? I don't know!
And now, I'm a senior. I can't believe it. The past 3 years have gone by so quickly. It seems like yesterday when I packed that blue van of mine and left my house for UD. Yesterday I was on a bus to Boston in -4 degree weather to visit one of my closest friends. And now, here I am, a senior in college, with no CLUE what I'm doing, what I want to do, and where I want to go.
But for the seniors of the present, congratulations for making it through. I wish you all luck in your future endeavors and I hope that some of you keep in touch(yay for AIM!) and don't forget me, because you really are important to me. You guys will be sorely missed.
In a completely random thought, the fortune I got in my fortune cookie the other day read "You will have a romantic evening tonight." Yes, I'm still waiting for that evening. Though, I may have an explanation for that. If you have noticed, I have NEVER said I have a best friend, and my explanation to people is that I don't believe in best friends. My prior "best friends" don't even talk to me anymore, they don't even remember me, or they are dead. However, when I said I don't believe in a best friend (notice singular, best is implicitly singular, so when people introduce others as "one of their best friends", I laugh), its not really the truth. I do believe in a best friend, but my definition of a best friend is a female, namely, a wife. So, when I am interested in a girl, I take the friend approach. I need to make sure that this girl is completely right for me before I make any steps. By then, I'm already placed on the friend's ladder and thus, when I finally do make a move, its "awkward". I hate it. Maybe I should change my dating habits. My pickiness is giving me negative game. Maybe lower my standards? That's just being desperate. I'm going to do me. Maybe I will meet a girl who thinks like me and we will become best friends. Although, sometimes I feel like our paths have already crossed.
Anyhow, as a summery, I have no idea who I am, who I want to be, or what I will become. My biggest fear is starting to come true. How am I going to fix this?
The next change in my life: Move on quicker. I keep telling myself "don't dwell in the past", and I know its not good but I do it ALL the time. I always wish I was back in Singapore, but I'm not. Life is not static. We all move forward. Fate has brought change because it is for the better. I need to accept this.
Next year will bring new challenges, new people, and new adversities. I hope I'm ready.
Well...I made it. I survived. The spring semester of my junior year is complete. There was so much adversity this semester, both academically and socially, and all of it has made me grow up in a hurry. And it has actually got me thinking...
Yes, this semester was very hard for me, and yes I did learn a lot about myself this semester, and yes I did grow up a lot. But that means I've changed. I hate change. I feel like a completely different person, and I don't know if I like it. I don't know if the people closest to me like it. I feel like I'm always angry at someone, and then I lash out and act like an asshole. I was always the nice guy, but now I feel like I'm not. Is this good for me? For you? I don't know!
And now, I'm a senior. I can't believe it. The past 3 years have gone by so quickly. It seems like yesterday when I packed that blue van of mine and left my house for UD. Yesterday I was on a bus to Boston in -4 degree weather to visit one of my closest friends. And now, here I am, a senior in college, with no CLUE what I'm doing, what I want to do, and where I want to go.
But for the seniors of the present, congratulations for making it through. I wish you all luck in your future endeavors and I hope that some of you keep in touch(yay for AIM!) and don't forget me, because you really are important to me. You guys will be sorely missed.
In a completely random thought, the fortune I got in my fortune cookie the other day read "You will have a romantic evening tonight." Yes, I'm still waiting for that evening. Though, I may have an explanation for that. If you have noticed, I have NEVER said I have a best friend, and my explanation to people is that I don't believe in best friends. My prior "best friends" don't even talk to me anymore, they don't even remember me, or they are dead. However, when I said I don't believe in a best friend (notice singular, best is implicitly singular, so when people introduce others as "one of their best friends", I laugh), its not really the truth. I do believe in a best friend, but my definition of a best friend is a female, namely, a wife. So, when I am interested in a girl, I take the friend approach. I need to make sure that this girl is completely right for me before I make any steps. By then, I'm already placed on the friend's ladder and thus, when I finally do make a move, its "awkward". I hate it. Maybe I should change my dating habits. My pickiness is giving me negative game. Maybe lower my standards? That's just being desperate. I'm going to do me. Maybe I will meet a girl who thinks like me and we will become best friends. Although, sometimes I feel like our paths have already crossed.
Anyhow, as a summery, I have no idea who I am, who I want to be, or what I will become. My biggest fear is starting to come true. How am I going to fix this?
The next change in my life: Move on quicker. I keep telling myself "don't dwell in the past", and I know its not good but I do it ALL the time. I always wish I was back in Singapore, but I'm not. Life is not static. We all move forward. Fate has brought change because it is for the better. I need to accept this.
Next year will bring new challenges, new people, and new adversities. I hope I'm ready.
posted by A. Nguyen at 3:31 AM
4 Comments:
we haven't had luck with the ladies. maybe we should turn gay. i'm here for you baby.
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