Stressin

I have a big ass project due in 5 days. I have NO clue what I'm doing. I've been stuck on the same part for the last 4 days. The teacher is nowhere to be found. I was suppose to meet with him on Monday for help but he cancelled class and couldn't make it. Everybody I've talked to either hasn't started, or is having trouble, or is completely done and when they explain what I have to do I get even more confused.

Computer science sucks. Or maybe I just suck at it. Either way, I just want the next 5 days to be over with. Maybe once this project is over, I won't have these thoughts of auditing the class or dropping the major after 3 years of going through this. I can't imagine what the next couple of days will be like as the deadline becomes closer and I become increasingly more clueless and frustrated.

Hopefully tomorrow's meeting with my professor will be productive.

lifeGame--;

A ranting post, I rant about the same stuff at the beginning of every semester. Here we go again...

So, tonight I came to a revelation. Hmm...maybe more like an old feeling resurfaced. I realized that I am graduating in 15 months. What the hell am I going to be doing for the next 50 years? I feel like I have no real passion for anything. I go to my Computer Science classes, and I zone out for the whole class, right in the middle of the professor explaining a huge program. I was just so uninterested in hearing what he had to say. If I can't focus on programming for 90 minutes, how the hell am I going to do it for the next 50 years?

I look around my class, and I notice everybody seems like they understand it, they talk about ways to write this program while I'm stuck trying to figure out what the hell I need to do. I really do suck at programming, I usually have no clue how to start one, and I usually can't figure out what I need to do until someone gives me a hint or something. That really pisses me off that I can't do it by myself, even though I should be able to. Even the simplest of programs, like making a class, I can't figure out unless someone starts it for me.

I came to the conclusion that I should probably add another major in the summer, I almost had a feeling that I'd get sick of Computer Science and needed something to fall back on. So I chose to change my Economics minor to a major. And now, in my 2nd semester of Econ courses, I realized that I suck at Econ too. I am 2 years behind. I'm taking sophomore level classes, I should be understanding the material. But I'm not. Basic statistics, I don't understand. It's really annoying to have no clue about what's going on in a class and looking at your peers and seeing their understanding of the material. Those fools will be getting a job over me simply because I have no idea what I'm talking about in anything I thought I enjoyed to study.

All this got me on thoughts of the future.

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be 25 years old. I always thought that was the coolest age. I'd be out of college, I'd have a wife, and I'd have this kick ass job . Now when I think about it, it's only 4 years away. I'm struggling to find what I want to do with my degrees, or if I even want them at all.

Sometimes I wonder what my future wife is doing at the moment. I really believe that there is a person for everyone, I mean look around. The biggest douchebags and assholes landing hot girlfriends, high maintenance girls with no personalities managing to snatch good guys, complete idiots with no sense of logic together with someone with so much class. That's how I know there's someone out there for me, even though she has not surfaced yet. But sometimes I wonder if I've already met my wife, like I bumped into her on the street or something.

Ugh I have so much to say, but I'll keep it to myself.