I'm in jail, I didn't pass go, and I don't have a get out of jail free card.

It wasn't like I didn't have any clear indications that computer science was not my major. There were hints 2 years ago that I should have dropped...the constant hours of programming, the fact that programming simply was not as intuitive to me as my peers. I thought it was just the hardships of the major...that deep down I still liked computer science and I liked to program. I used to think that people who dropped computer science were weak, they couldn't deal with the pressure of being a computer scientist and how strong I was for sticking with it. I used to think people in "bullshit" majors were just in it because it was easy. But look at them. They are happy. They don't feel the pressure and stress that I do because they enjoy what they are doing. And for that, I respect them and their choice of majors and I feel sorry for myself for ever thinking that people choose easy majors just for the sake of being "easy".

As a result of my past naiveness, I feel like I've been in prison since for the past year or so. My life sucks right now. I feel like I'm alone, with the occasional visit from a friend or two, when we go out to the bars to relax, only to return to my solitary confinement the moment I wake up the next day. That is probably the worst part of my day, waking up and thinking about what I have to do for the day. It makes me want to sleep forever. I look at the other people around me who are "free". Free of worry, free of sadness and misery, and I envy them. I just want to get out of here, I feel like I can do anything and feel completely at peace. Whether its going back to ACS to collect or live in a rural village in China picking rice all day, as long as I'm at peace. And pretty much anything other than what I'm going through now will put me at peace.

However, time is the best cure for everything, and so I know in time I will get out of this "jail" and I will live life again without as much worry. Hopefully, I get out of this "jail" unscathed and will grow stronger as a result of it.

You know what's ironic? I had this topic of being in jail before the weekend, and when I went home for this weekend I got a summons for jury service. How strange...

See you when I'm out of the slammer.

edit: This is the truth. I think that moment has already passed me by. Click me.