It shouldn't be like this.

When I first decided to do this double major thing, I knew it was going to be hard. But I didn't think it was going to be THIS hard. It's been in school for a full year straight now, with 1-2 weeks of breaks every 3-4 months or so. I think it has finally hit me. I'm tired. I can't deal with these classes anymore. I just don't have the motivation. I just want to fast forward to June when I graduate and start the summer of Alan. That means doing nothing and relaxing with my favorite people.

Unfortunately, I did not find a magical remote control that can fast forward through life like Adam Sandler did. Now I'm faced with one of my most challenging semesters ever. Everything is coming together all at once and is ready to kick my ass and beat me down. It's the last test before they send me off to the "real world". Not only do I have to worry about my classes (which for some reason come with so much stress this semester, more about that later), I have other stuff I now need to worry about because, well I'm 9 months from the end. I have to talk to my advisors and make sure I have all my classes in order to graduate. I have to fix up my resume so I can find a job. I'm now a TA for some stupid CISC101 class which is just additional responsibility I need to deal with. I'm in 3 clubs which I have minimal job requirements but end up helping more than I should because some are young and inexperienced, which I don't mind, but I guess part of all the stress I'm dealing with is my fault. I'd like to think people can rely on me, that I'm not a slacker and that people can trust me to get the job done. I guess I take on too much and I get overwhelmed.

But usually, I have a support system to help me get through this kind of stuff. Friends that are usually in the same class as me and we program together to get shit done. Friends I can usually talk to when I just need a break. This semester, I think I'm lacking it. I don't know many people in the same class as me, and if I do they aren't in my group (probably because they know I'm a shitty programmer). My closest friends in college have either graduated or too busy with other things to listen to my problems. For the first time I actually feel like I'm going through this alone.

(This is turning out to be pretty long)

But somehow, even through all these adversities, I can see myself getting out of this jam. Like I said before...I've gone too far, it's too late to turn back now. It's either succeed and get 2 degrees or fail and accept that I tried my hardest. I didn't think I was going to make it past the spring, but I did. I don't think I can make it past the Fall, but somehow I will. My comp sci group will not want to fail either, and they will do whatever it takes to pass with me.

Also, I'm thinking of sending in a postsecret but I have no artistic skills.